Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sic et Non

A couple of years ago, my therapist flat-out asked me, “Have you ever asked God if you were gay?” Well, of course . . . . .certainly . . . . . I mean why wouldn’t . . . . .

Oh shit. I was caught up short. Yes or no. I had often asked God to make me straight but never asked if I were gay. I mean, do you ask that? Why would I. Well, why not? This may have sparked the beginning of this part of my journey. Oh, God. I am gay. But I don’t want to be. Do I?

Self-acceptance doesn’t come without struggle. But there have been so many years of self-loathing. It’s hard to like what you have learned to hate. But, little by little it is happening. Far more quickly than I might have thought. O the joy of feeling thankful for who I am! To feel gratitude for the many facets of my life that make me me. Deo gratia.


Michael said...

My spiritual director told me once to go home and spend fifteen minutes thanking God for making me gay. It seemed crazy, but it was the greatest thing I could have done.Talk about a turning point!

BentonQuest said...

What a great point! We learn to hate ourselves. It is about time we thank God for the incredible creations we all are!