Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sic et Non

A couple of years ago, my therapist flat-out asked me, “Have you ever asked God if you were gay?” Well, of course . . . . .certainly . . . . . I mean why wouldn’t . . . . .

Oh shit. I was caught up short. Yes or no. I had often asked God to make me straight but never asked if I were gay. I mean, do you ask that? Why would I. Well, why not? This may have sparked the beginning of this part of my journey. Oh, God. I am gay. But I don’t want to be. Do I?

Self-acceptance doesn’t come without struggle. But there have been so many years of self-loathing. It’s hard to like what you have learned to hate. But, little by little it is happening. Far more quickly than I might have thought. O the joy of feeling thankful for who I am! To feel gratitude for the many facets of my life that make me me. Deo gratia.

2 comments:

Michael said...

My spiritual director told me once to go home and spend fifteen minutes thanking God for making me gay. It seemed crazy, but it was the greatest thing I could have done.Talk about a turning point!

BentonQuest said...

What a great point! We learn to hate ourselves. It is about time we thank God for the incredible creations we all are!