Thursday, January 31, 2008

The struggle continues. . . . . .

Still so much going on! And my cold went into a sinus infection. Yuk! But I'm now on an antibiotic and beginning to feel better. . . . .

And that's good because I have a mountain of work to do preparing for a weekend event I am helping lead this weekend! All weekend!

And then there is a new mountain of stuff for next week, too. Sorry to be short on posts or news or interesting stuff. But I'll be back (I promise).

Well, I'm still at work, preparing to go home and start all over. Oh, yeah, LAUNDRY!

Cheers to all.

Friday, January 25, 2008


Such a bad cold. ugh. not again.

It's been very cold (for this neck of the woods), and we have had some snow. But, global warming and such, it turned too quickly to sleet, then some freezing rain. In the old days, we use to get more snow. Now, more ice. Very dangerous.

At least the snow is beautiful.

The interior of the building where I work is being painted, everything. Paint fumes. ugh. And there has been so much pressure at work. Meeting last night went late. Some tension. I hate being in charge. I don't really want to run things. And I wonder if I am running anything, or if it's running me.

Enough for now. More later. Later.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Don we now our gay apparel

On our recent "snow day", I finally took down the Christams tree. No ruch, right? I had so much help on ideas for decorating, I wanted to share a picture of it. It was very gay, but only in the seasonal sense. I would flunk the decorating exam for gay school. But I loved it.
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Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I meet once a month with a peer group, colleagues from other job sites who come together for support. We learn about "management techniques" and theory, and we each present a "case" from our job situation.
The group is great. They are good friends and have been very supportive of me in the last few years of ups and downs. It is a closed group; once we join it, no one else can just "drop in." The level of trust is very high, and so I have been able to come out to them. They have been great!
Well, it was my turn to present something at our recent meeting. Now, I'm one who seems to manage things -- I guess. I can't ever seem to think in terms of "theory" and plan with all the techniques in mind. I go with my gut (which is well-enough informed on the stuff) and lead with my soul. But I am always in doubt, sometimes feeling like I don't have a clue what's going on.
I gave my presentation with its attendant questions: "am I doing this right, or over reacting to that, or doing too much, or way off the mark?" And then they just looked at me. Oh no.
The feedback was "gees, I wish I was doing it that well," and "you've got the best intuition for this job, you just do it and get it right!" And, "you're doing a great job, don't let us ruin you with too much theory."
I cried. Really.
They know me well enough and know what I've been going through. But they also know me well enough to know that I want the truth. Don't just tell me things to make me feel better. I won't believe it anyway. Tell me the truth. They reiterated their feedback. I'm doing fine.
Why was all this so significant? Because of coming out, I know that I may have to relocate, move to another "branch." Being in a "sensitive" kind of job, I may not be able to be out and continue working with this same "client base." But I have been doubting if I can even stay in this business. Should I look for something completely different?
Now I feel like I have more options open to me than ever before. And I need all the options I can get.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

It's all running together!

Hey. I haven't posted lately because everything is running together. Onethingrightafteranother!!!

It's turned into a very busy few weeks. Forgive delays in postings. I'll be back soon. If i can find it.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

I will . . . .

Happy New Year! Here is hoping, praying, and working for this new year to be a good one with positive growth, increasing joy, abounding hope, and adventurous beginnings.
I resolve to take things slowly and thoughtfully, not expecting so much, so fast.
  • I will learn better to live in this limbo of In (the closet) and Out. It's where I have to be, for now.

  • I will participate in the weekly gatherings of New Warriors that strengthens and encourages me.

  • I will deepen friendships I have made.

  • I will have some folks over for dinner and practice hospitality.

  • I will get more exercise.

  • I will not overwhelm myself with lists!
So, I hope this will be a good year for all you out there in blog land!

Shalom and Cheers!