Backwards and Forwards

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.  Soren Kierkegaard -Danish philosopher-theologian (that happy guy who gave existentialism, sort of)

I spent so many years in "a funk" that it has seemed the default mode for me.  But there is life beyond it.  And I'm coming to realize that in small ways.  Folks who've heard of my big coming out story often asked, "How's it all going.  How are you doing."  I stop and think.

I'm doing well.  I mean, I am really doing well.  At least today is a good day, so why not enjoy it.

For all my whining, I am doing well.  At lunch with a friend today, he asked about the anti-depressants. (He seemed to think that I was "heavily medicated."  Well, it wasn't that much).  But yes, for years I was on anti-depressants.  I've been off them now for five months.  And I'm doing well!

Medications are wonderful things, and I highly recommend them, when necessary.  While still in the closet, it was a good thing to help me manage and get through life, get the job done, still keep my head above water.

Coming out has freed a big chunk of my mind to focus on other things. (And my mind is kind of chunky).  I am so grateful.  Believe me, there is still lots of "stuff" to wade through, in to and out of, but I am managing.

I am re-training my mind-heart-soul-life to have a new default.  Not the funks.  In the midst of it all, I don't always see it.  Too easy it is to fall back into the old, default pattern of "funk."  But when I stop, look back, I understand.  It's just not that way any more.

Thought I'd let you in on all that.  I'm letting myself in on it, too.