Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Well, it was a date.  Nice.  I have much to think about.  How I acted.  How he acted.  How I responded.  There are occasions when things take a course quite different from what we, in our best selves, planned, wanted, desired.

I did not go on this date with deep expectations, but I admit to some (unrealistic) hopes.  I understood that they were exactly that.  I was OK.

But those occasions when our less-than-best-self gets in the way - or I allow it to.  What is this telling me about me, about my judgment, my wants.

Needless to say, I'm a bit disappointed.   In him?  In me?  In both?  But it was nice. 

I guess.


behrmark said...

I'm glad you went on the date and had a nice time. Sometimes that's enough. At other times, well, it's not. From what you wrote, it sounds to me like you had expectations and that you're overthinking this. I know it's not always easy being yourself, especially when you've spent many years hiding that true self and when on a first date with someone you kind of want to impress. I think you should call him up and ask him out on a second date. Maybe you'll be a little more relaxed and things will go better. Just thoughts, and unsolicited advice, from someone who cares. BEHR HUGS

Lemuel said...

I have to admit that after I re-read your post (a few times - looking for "deep, hidden meanings" - :-D - sorry, occupational hazard), what I sensed was the same kind of thing that all of went through (I think) when we were dating (some of us, gals; some [lucky ones?], guys) "way back when".
And all of that seems now just as painful, as exhilarating, as stressful, as hopeful, as disappointing, as... but most of all *as natural* as it did back then.
Don't beat yourself up over it or over analyze it. Revel in it for all that it was!

Jeremiah Andrews said...

The one thing I have learned about expectations is that "I should not have them." That was a harsh lesson in early sobriety.

Expectations that are nominal are possible. It's the big ones I should stay away from.

Every experience is a learning experience. If you don't practice, how are you going to learn. Be thankful that you had a date.

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving."

Don't be so hard on yourself. It was just a date, not a root canal. Shit happens. As it always does.

Don't over analyze the date or you will start the squirrel spinning on the wheel. Stay out of your head.

Try, try, and the try again...

It's not the end of the world if things don't go further. listen to the universe and see where it leads you.


Ultra Dave said...

Don't feel too bad, regardless of the outcome. I usually screw mine up before the date actually happens!

Dale said...

So, dating huh? If anyone wrote a good "Dating for Dummies" they would make a killing. I find myself in that same minefield.

Is he to young/old, what kind of food does he like, what kind of music should I play in the car, and about a half million other questions. Finally I shook my head and got used to the idea that

it was supposed to be fun. I wore my old ratty denim jacket that I love, shaved my head down to skin, trimmed the facial hair a bit, left the cd changer the way it was and got lost. His fault, when he sent me the directions he forgot a turn. We had a great time, have gone out a few more times since then. No explosions, no fire works, but it was nice. But hey, I am 55, fireworks and explosions might give me a heart
He said he went out with a couple other guys and they all tried to impress, me I went the opposite..I just was me..completely with a burp. I think that was what hooked
Relax Buddy, be yourself and allow yourself to enjoy another man's company and him yours.

Anonymous said...

Was this your first man to man date? I remember mine....we talked quite a bit....we went to a movie...I was so worried about weather I should try to hold his hand while there. lol I went into the bathroom to mainly just get away for moments reprieve....I said to myself outloud...Oh My Gosh I am on a date with a MAN and it feels good! I did not know there was anyone else in there and this deep voice said back from behind a why the hell are you in here! go back! lol I went back ....we didn't hold hands....just talked more afterwards. It was a nice date but we never went out again. I was grateful for the time though.

Cubby said...

Dayum, I left a long, thoughtful comment and Blogger ate it! I'll try to rewrite it later.

BentonQuest said...

What made Nick and my first date nice was that it was not a date. I was under the whole ELCA "look but don't touch" thing so we just went "as friends." Nick was the perfect gentleman. We would go for lunch or to a museum or a movie, but there was no expectation of it being more. That took a lot of the "now what" out of the date. When it finally went beyond just hanging out, there was no need to second guess.

Ur-spo said...

Oh everyone said all the good things already
I agree !
Keep going.

Cubby said...

May I analogize dating to shopping for a house? It's a very rare occurrence for a shopper to find the perfect home in the first house he looks at. Finding a good home usually requires a lot of effort and looking at many houses available on the market.

Sometimes it's clear after looking at a house that although the shopper likes it, it's just not good enough to buy so there's no sense spending any more time with it. But other times the shopper might find a special house. One that requires a second visit. One the shopper suspects has hidden potential that may only be revealed by spending more time with it.

You'll find your special house Joe. The outcome of Tuesday's date was entirely probable, so don't let that get you down. There are plenty more houses out there waiting to be looked at. Some of them may not even know they are on the market until they meet you. You've taken the first step. Don't let it be your last.

Michael Dodd said...

I started to share my experience, strength and hope on this issue, but decided you have plenty of folks doing that for you. I will just say congratulations on taking the chance and having a nice time. For a first date, that's pretty good.

RG said...

What is this "date" or "dating" you speak of on your post? I have never heard of such a thing. Is that the four hours you waste before sex? ;)