Monday, March 09, 2009

'Tis Over

My divorce was finalized this morning. Arrived at the courthouse at 8.45, out by 9.30. 'Tis done. May 31st would have made 23 years. That's a long time.

To G. (my ex-wife): Thank you for two wonderful, beautiful children. And thank you for many wonderful years. Thank you for being as understanding as you have. Yes, you've a right to be angry. This is not what you signed on for. Neither did I. But here we are.

Even with all those tough years of me in such a depressed, withdrawn funk, it wasn't so bad. And, it's not your fault.

I wish for you to find the most wonderful, caring, loving husband who can love you in all the ways in which I failed. And I wish the same for me: a husband who will love me in the midst of all the ways I've failed.

No one can "fix" another. No one can "make" another be happy. Happiness (such a shallow sounding word) is something we must find, and choose, on our own, for ourselves. It is too much to think another can be responsible for my happiness. But I can do that myself.

Here's hoping, and praying, that I will.

20 comments:

Michael said...

Life is changed, not ended.

That applies to so many things.

BentonQuest said...

Life happens. But it is a sign of growth to realize when things need to change and to go on. Know that God is in this too; it is not all up to you.

Ultra Dave said...

I'm happy for both you and you now ex-wife. You are both are on your way to becoming the people you were meant to be.

Anonymous said...

God Bless You, my friend. Bob.

Topper said...

A new page is turned for you now. That word "happy" is such a thing. It depends on circumstance. Its such a thing. May our Lord lead you and your ex-wife to find and do the things you enjoy, that give you joy and may happiness spring forth as a result.

Neil said...

Nothing I say will fully express my feelings. I’m all with you and admire your maturity. You said the best thing that you could say to your ex-wife now. Your lesson on happiness gives me a lot to think about. Find your own way. This a beginning an opening. Big hug.

Birdie said...

Nothing is different, but everything has changed. I lift you and your ex-wife up in prayer, that each of you will find that deep joy of a peaceful life. Hugs, sweetie.

Lemuel said...

May God grant you both peace in this decision, reconciliation, and healing. My heart goes out to you and to your family.

Java said...

hugs

Ur-spo said...

good luck now.
remember happiness is a byproduct of living well, sort of like heat from a well running machine. May you have some.

manxxman said...

Being "happy" is so more difficult than becoming content......work on that part of your life I believe you will find it much easier.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

I wish the same for both you and your ex-wife, to find someone that makes you happy.

Donald said...

Then there was the morning after the divorce.

A morning that I guess may have had parts relief, parts fear, parts lightness, parts sadness.

From "Joe-freeing-himself-from" to "Joe-living-free" -- quite a journey!

David said...

Bittersweet. Ending something that did and does sincerely mean so much, but walking on a path that is better. I look back now with so many happy memories, so much joy, so many things shared. And I am glad to have been there, and even more glad to be here.

Life changes and we grow and it is abundant.

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john said...

This is a beautiful, positive post.

Jim said...

Great attitude! Thanks for sharing, Go make it a great life full of love and friendships.

Steve F. said...

It took me a couple of years, and 12 long steps, to be able to get to the same level of peace and acceptance that you are voicing. My ex-wife didn't know until a couple years ago about my orientation. She still has not forgiven, and now that she knows I'm gay, I doubt she will forget, either. Or move on.

So I wish for you both the same peace, hope, and acceptance that I wish for her. Hopefully, in time, all three of you (she, you and your ex) will be able to accept it.

I am reminded of Boy George, who, when asked if he was gay, smiled and said, "I am quite content."

Anonymous said...

Recently bottomed for the first time. Unbelievable ecstasy. Now what do I tell my wife?

Steven said...

And now on to the next chapter of your life with new beginnings and opportunities. Smile. :-)