So, we will have a new look for a while. Wouldn't it be easy if we could rearrange life as easily, with the click of a few "virtual" buttons.
Electrons on a screen rearrange so easily. Life, not.
I've been in on of those moods. Depressed? Well, not exactly. More morose? Reflective? Pensive. Not sure. (I didn't know this was going to turn out to be multiple choice).
Life isn't always multiple choice. OK. some words of a spiritual / religious / transcendent sort-of nature. If that's not your bent, it's all right to leave now.
Darkness. It seems to crowd in, sometimes. All our short-comings, inadequacies, things-left-undone, self-doubts, etc. come crashing in. Perhaps "creeping in" is better. They sneak up on you. You face the darkness. And it ain't pretty.
Trusting in God seems a troublesome thing. Where the hell is that holy and mysterious One? I know, it isn't all about comfort, and nice feelings, and warm fuzzies. It's about God. And God is not what many think (not warm fuzzy, comfort, problems-solved, etc. -- that's more toward magic: The ATM god who gives us what we want when we do the right things, enter the correct code, follow the rules).
The Presence of God is just that: Presence. Knowing we are not alone. (Perhaps "knowing" is too shallow a word - grokking?) There is a comfort, assurance, a "resting" in God - but it's still not always (or often?) "happy happy joy joy."
Trust is that believing in Presence is in the midst of Absence. Beholding Nothing, but trusting that One is there. Here. Now.
Look, I know this probably sounds really "out there." Well, that's where I am right now. Finances, loneliness, decisions, the Future, all my inadequacies - all these things seem very present to me now. And that's not the Presence I'm needing.
Somehow, somewhere, someday. I am held. I am not alone, nor abandoned. But I am lonely.
maybe I should get a dog.