Saturday, March 13, 2010


Thanks for tall the comments and warnings I received on my last post.  Yes.  I do know that dangers, and I plan to heed your warnings.  I'm not really interested in this person who works with (and for) me except as a friend. The vibes I'm getting from him make me cautious.  I think he is interested.  My bad is that I can be such a flirt, sending signals that aren't meant to be taken seriously.  Well, not too seriously.

Much to learn yet have I.  And then, there are all the excuses we make about "Oh, I'm different.  I can handle this.  This situation will be different."  Such dangerous stuff.

My coming out in the work place has allowed this man to talk about his being gay in ways he never has before.  Maybe it's freeing for him, too.  He has worked there far longer than I have, and is quite secure in his job. It is a very specialized field he's in, and he is only part time, and much beloved by our "customers / constituents".  Several years older than I, I think he's lonely. 

So, it really would be a sticky wicket for sure.  

The task is continuing with a friendly, yet professional, relationship, as another gay person on staff . . . . . . that's going to be a chore.


Dyl said...

I had something like this a few years ago. One of my colleagues decided to be my gay friend at work. We had nothing in common other than orientation and I didn't actually like him much as a person. Nevertheless everyone else assumed we were bosom buddies cos of it and he delighted in confiding all his exploits to me. He also delighted in trying to shock other people with stories and making gay-centric remarks at every opportunity.
It got very boring very quickly. I was relieved when he handed his notice for elsewhere (and has since met a guy and got engaged - tellingly his first words when he called me to tell me about the guy were 'kerching - the fella is loaded'.

Anyway, enough about that.

I guess what I was trying to say was just cos it's a fellow homo doesn't mean it'll be a positive influence in your life.

If you weren't pally with him before what's changed (other than your coming out)?

Cubby said...

Friendship isn't a bad thing. Just know when to say "no".

behrmark said...

You have your head on - um - straight. ;) I like the accompanying picture - it's interesting. What is it?

Bear Me Out said...

Dyl, you make such insightful comments!

Behrmark, thanks. The picture is from an exhibit of sculpture by Henry Moore, at the Atlanta Botanical Garden, last year.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

You may have given him a voice he did not have before. And you might be able to relate to him in ways you did not imagine at first. You can still be a friend and work in the same space. We are each others teachers so you never know what information might flow between you.

DON'T BE A FLIRT. Keep it in your pants and be wise with your words.

Keep us posted.


Lemuel said...

I agree with Andrew (and you) in that I think your coming out has given him an ear. I can imagine how freeing that would be for him. Just keep it at that. The lines will be tricky.

Ice John's World said...

Your coming out might give him a positive energy that he has found someone who shares someting common with him. But that's about it. It is not different than you both were a fan for a NBA or NFL team. However, flirt is different. Just think about what you would not do or share with a femalte coworker at work if you were straight. You don't want to send out messages if you don't mean it, especially, at work.

Ur-spo said...

It illustrates the power of coming out- it empowers and diminishes isolation and fear.

john said...

Dropping by to say hello. I've been gone for awhile....