I'm still adjusting. After so many years of a "double life" of sorts, it is a challenge to bring those lives together. And, I realize how my "lives" need some congruence. This is a challenge. I am feeling that the once-hidden life can't go on the way it did. I'm out, now. And, I am out. So, no pretending, no hiding, nothing that might endanger my job. It's a call to some new, honest, authentic behaviors.
This brings up a lot of new questions: How do I feel about getting into a relationship? What about monogamy? What about playful friends?
I'm going to take the time to discern this new life, just as I've taken the time to discern how, when, in what way to come out.
In working with my "constituents" (or "customers"), it is painful when some of them cannot accept me as gay. For a (very) few, I am suddenly not good enough. Well, so be it for them. I've listened and tried to be non-judgmental, non-anxious, and not get angry. Even though some have expressed some old, out-dated, terrible things - all the old stuff about "recruiting", immorality, suggesting that I chose this. No logical, fact-filled argument will convince anyone. It is, in a sense, a matter of conversion of the heart more than the mind.
Here's hoping.
18 comments:
So all questions you ask yourself are related to being gay...
Sounds to my like you're doing an excellent job of not getting caught up in the negativity. I wonder how many of your "constituents" realize that you're the same man today as you were before coming out. Behr Hugs for your continuing journey!
How wonderful that it's going so well. I wish you all the best as you bring the factions of your life together.
Joe - I've nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger award. Check out my post for details!
http://behrblather.blogspot.com/2010/01/and-award-goes-to-me.html
So some are using the tired, old, outdated ideas of what it is to be gay. Not surprising, yet I understand how painful that can be. As behrmark stated they do not realize you are the same person now as you always were. The only difference I see is your out, being very open and honest as well as trusting about that. The Lord has certainly done and is doing a work in your life through this journey we call coming out.
Oh, Bear. I feel for you. I know that the slights and hurts always seem so much larger than the triumphs at this point in the game. It gets better, I promise.
This brings up a lot of new questions: How do I feel about getting into a relationship? What about monogamy? What about playful friends? What about celibacy?
Dearie, Are you asking wondering which is best for you, or what we think is the best to be?
the first is - who knows yet
the second is - don't let people guide you on this one
I continue to celebrate with you that things are going well overall. I had to chuckle and your list of new questions - or more so at how you posted them.
As for those who are not accepting and are asking you the typical questions, I guess that is to be expected. They are scraping for validation for their own world view. I am often somewhat amused but more often astounded at their thinking. Why would any of us want to "recruit" others for this painful life? Why would any of us "choose" a life that would put us through such pain, discrimination, and hate and subject ourselves to the grilling of people like themselves. As with many other things in their world view, there has to be a logical disconnect for them.
Love the picture, BTW.
In a discussion elsewhere, someone pointed out that monogamy and fidelity are not the same thing. It is up to the members of a relationship to determine the boundaries of that relationship. Whatever it is, fidelity to that agreement is the measure of commitment. If one cannot abide by your agreed boundaries, it's time for a talk—with each other.
I can't help but note that you have stayed true to your professed goal in your profile: "Seeking life with honesty, integrity, authenticity, love and some joy, too." Here's wishing you great joy as you continue in your journey.
Listen to Ur-Spo on this one. as we Bostonians would say - "He is wicked smahht!"
Keep smiling... :-)
I've just come across ypur blog and I'm really impressed by your positive thinking and motivation. I think you just do the right thing and I'm sure people will get used to live with the reality. I have a few gay friends in Istanbul and one of them has ended his marriage, told the truth to his family and though he has lost some of his friends( which means they were not real friends!) he is much more happier than his old life. Take care...See you...Burcu from Istanbul:)
You can "recruit" me anytime you want.....
Congrats on your coming out process.
That first step is always the hardest. Seems to me like you're doing just fine.
Give yourself time and figure out what you want to do. You have been walking so far. Now it is time to welcome the bright future.
Step by step... wisely and slowly...
Congratulations!
maybe too many questions at the same time can't help you find your way.
take it easy, as it comes day by day.
don't worry so mutch about who can't accept your life: is their problem, not your.
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