Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Out. Where?

Well, so I'm out.  All these folk I work with and for.  The silence is a little eerie.  I'm feeling a cold shoulder here and there, and I know some folk are avoiding me.  Not cruelly, but probably necessarily, for them.

For years, I've been plowing through this stuff.  For them (many of them, anyway) it is very new.  New information about me.  Different to face some one well known to them and realize, "Oh.  He's gay!"  How are they re-playing our history together, re-interpreting things, actions, words.  Are folk putting a different nuance onto everything they've known about me?

Probably.  I hope they'll get over it.  I have no control over it anyway.  So might as well let it be.

My journey to come out - all the way - has been a very spiritual one.  Entering into a place of radical trust.  I want to remember where I've been so I can recall where I'm going.

Ugh.  So serious.  Well, I'm over all the snow we've had (and may yet have).  Where is Spring?  I need some warmer climes (or something . . . .).  At least friend N. is coming from Europe later this month.  That will bring some sunshine. 

Cheers, for now.


behrmark said...

It's possible that everyone is reevaluating their relationship with you. However, when I came out to people (albeit years ago) most were a little surprised but promptly didn't think any more of it. So it might be a little bit of you - that's actually a healthy thing. It shows you care about their perception of you as well as maintaining the good relationships you've had. I still applaud you for your courageous journey. Hugs.vings

Neil said...

LOTS of sunshine, hopefully! :-) :-) :-)

It's inevitable that some of your customers will look back and reinterpret words and gestures. I guess they're pretty lost in this new reality. It doesn't mean rejection or something.

Kelly said...

I am sure there is going to be some awkwardness at first, but as you go about you typical daily rountine,, they will see that you are really no different, except they know a little something about your personal life.. initially my coworker were a little standoffish too, but over time it became a non-issue... congrats on coming out!!

Lemuel said...

I can imagine some of their second thoughts and trying to reprocess the history of their relationships with you. Like a lot of things in life, there is the initial event and then there are usually some "aftershocks". I think things will settle down. Although things will never be the "same", I think that they will return to "normal" for most of your relationships.

manxxman said...

Now comes the job of living day to day with the information out there and not over thinking it.....easier said then done, but necessary anyway.

You've accomplished the hard part.

Howard said...

Congrats, and now the hard stuff is kicking in. Well, maybe not, but I found once I came out, the biggest struggle was keeping out of my own damn head long enough to live the life I wanted. I'm still working on that.

BentonQuest said...

And remember to give people time. As you said, you have had time to process this whole thing. Even if people "knew" they still didn't know. It will take some time, but things will return to, possibly not the same normal, but to a normal just the same.

Take pride in knowing you did something very hard and that you did it with integrity.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

I think people get a little crazy when faced by an open homosexual. They seem to loose their moral compass and they begin to reorient themselves according to their moral rule. Sometimes it works in our favors and sometimes is doesn't.

If they cannot LOVE GOD and LOVE their NEIGHBOR then they aren't really Christians are they?

Remember: what people think of you is none of your business.

Don't kill them with kindness, but be true to yourself. They will either come around or they won't and it will be their loss if they don't.

One Day at a time.


Bigg said...

Hang in there, big guy. I'm thinking of you.

Ur-spo said...

for better or worse, everyone needs to re-examine their views of you. Some will fold it into the mix as hardly anything new (as they already knew!) and others will see you so differently they will drift away.

I advise going about your usual ways so show you are the same person really.