Friday, December 04, 2009

The Going gets tough

And indeed, the going is tough.  It's all breaking down:  all the assurances, the faith, the structure of things.  They all seem to be breaking down.  Coming apart.  I am undone.

But I ain't done.  Not yet.

I know that the way of faith is not the easy road many think.  Faith is not some commodity we have or can get or earn.  It's more of an openness, a receptive-ness. It is not a wall that encloses carefully laid sturctures but the opposite.  It is the door in the wall.  It is the space, the opening, the nothing (not the something).

Perhaps I am moving through the opening.  I am not without hope.  I believe that I am held.  I'm having trouble seeing how Way will open.  But I think it will. At least, I believe it will.

15 comments:

Neil said...

It is in the weakness that you get stronger. From my viewpoint it looks like you really do have faith. I think you are stronger than you think.
Needless to say, you are the first person in my prayers every morning and evening. You have my love and support. Hang in there, dear.

Java said...

Oh dear. I am sympathetic to your troubled heart. I hope the way is made clear to you soon.

BentonQuest said...

Joe, I truly feel for you. It is not an easy process. And keeping the faith is difficult. It get so tiring hearing people tell you that God will see you through; God will see you through, it just gets mighty frustrating in the meantime.

My prayers go out to you. Know that you are not walking this path alone and that you do not need to blaze the trail. Others have gone before and can help support you and guide you.

Michael Dodd said...

When St. John of the Cross was imprisoned in a monastery jail cell, all he had was his habit and a blanket. In order to escape, he had to tear them into strips to make a rope to let himself down from the window. And when he got to the bottom of the rope -- it was too short to reach the ground. He had to jump, in the dark, only feet from a precipitous drop to a rocky riverbed far below. He let go. And found he was inside the wall of a convent of nuns! But a dog led him to a hole in the wall, and he made his way to freedom.

Do not be afraid to let go and fall. God -- probably in the guise of all your friends, many of them here who have never seen your face -- will catch you or show you a way through the walls that seem to still encircle you. (But you will have to let go! And it may hurt a bit when you fall, even if our arms are there to get you.)

The word verification is decioni. A lot like decision, isn;t it?

Lemuel said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you move through that door. I grieve for your pain even as I am assured that there is a Joy that seeks you through it.
(refer: George Matheson)

D Gregory Smith said...

Of COURSE you will- whatever course that takes...
XO,
G

publius100 said...

Joe, I told you what was coming, and it has. God grants you a lot of gifts, but he also gives you feet. Use them. Not to become a pilgrim or mendicant. Use them to move to where God actually wants you. There is much work to be done; time shortens.

john said...

I have been there, and I'm still struggling to get through it, to find my faith. But I'm holding on because I know the Lord has always been here for me. I just have to find it in myself...

Jeremiah Andrews said...

The way of faith is absolute trust in the divine to carry you where you need to go at the right moment, in his time not yours. Faith is built one brick at a time, one day at a time. The 12 steps should tell you that.

If things are coming undone, maybe the need to come undone so something better can be DONE. Roll with the punches and hang on to your hat. This isn't uncommon, it happens to all of us.

You must hope with faith and walk with determination. The WAY will appear, if you have eyes to see.

If you don't know where you are going the sit where you are and look at the sights and sounds around you. Get comfortable with where you are - when you have done that and are comfortable, then take out your map, consult it wisely and then take your next step. That counsel always worked for me.

The roller coaster is still in motion so hang on and keep your arms inside the car.

Jeremy

Ur-spo said...

I think you are quite fortunate, what a great opportunity arises when all is undone.
lucky man !

Donald said...

Peace.

Bigg said...

I thought of you again today, as I have about once an hour since reading this. I hope you're okay, that the world isn't getting you down and that the stresses of the day aren't too much. Some of us out here are rooting for you, y'know.

Dale said...

Hey Buddy
Be true to yourself and you will come out ahead. I don't know your nature but sometimes you have to fight for what you want or need. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger and I usually retaliate with a loud B___S__T!!!..What does not kill me just serves to piss me off..then I deal with whatever obstacle is in my way in any manner I can with any resources..pronounce that weapons..available to me. I am usually a pretty mellow guy but omce I reach that point enough is enough. My first tattoo says "Fire With Fire". I realize thats a little abrupt for your line of work but sometimes you gotta bend the rules a little. this prob comes across a little harsh but it's sometimes reality.
Dale

Larry Ohio said...

The pic for this blog post reminds me of what a baby must experience as it's about to be born. It doesn't know what awaits it after it gets squeezed through that narrow passage. Those of us on the outside await its birth, sometimes oblivious to the trauma it must experience. Thankfully in the end, the baby becomes a part of the community and forgets the painful path it took to get here.

Coming out is like a rebirth, my friend. Yes, the going is tough, but you'll be better off for having taken the journey.

Topper said...

Friend, I found that when I became "undone" is when I began (in and by faith) to experience healing and peace. In many ways I'm being undone! Yet the process of being undone is painful, at times lonely, uncertain. For there was and is fear, which is not of God. Yet there is faith, assurance. I have to remind myself that our God is in control frequently. this process makes us REAL.