Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Test

I have done it before, this wasn't the first time. And, I couldn't really think of a reason to worry. But I was. Anxious. Concerned. Scared. One always is, no?
I hadn't done anything unsafe, dangerous, stupid. At least, I couldn't remember anything. I haven't done much, really. But I needed a follow up from several months ago. I'd missed doing that. One needs to know. We need to be aware.
The nurse came in. (He was a very handsome bear). Goodness. He put me at ease. He drew blood, he did the quick-test, too. As we waited for the quick-test to do its thing, I talked. I confessed, I shared. He told me that he had been married, too. Has a son, now grown. He shared his story with me. And he let me talk. I cried. I really cried. I guess the tension, anxiety, whatever.
Times up. Results. Negative.
I cried more. He let me hug him, and he just held me. And let me cry. Such a relief.
Every now and then, we all need to have an HIV test. We just need to do it. What if it were positive? I had already decided that I have come to far to even think about giving up. We'll deal with it. Whatever we need to do. What ever I need to do.
No turning back. No giving up. And I am so grateful. Do the test.


afod said...

Congrats on being reaffirmed on what you already knew. And it was a great report that you shared about your talk with the nurse. I am glad he was there for you and that you were able to share your common threads and feelings. And it's nice that you actually felt a "relief" from it as well. ((((Joe))))

Hirsute polyamorous bear said...

Glad you went, glad it's negative.

Lemuel said...

I am happy to hear that you went and that the results were negative. My last test was negative also. I was scared too then - more of being found out that I was tested for it than afraid of what the results would be. It's been a while, but since I've had no contact since then - except with Rosey - I'm not too concerned. I may echo your post with my own tale.

TWISI said...

What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it. You were very lucky to find a compassionate health professional who looked at you as a person and not just a patient.

Ian said...

Thank you for writing so movingly about this episode. How did you happen to find such a compassionate and caring nurse? I rejoice in your good news. Be safe. Be happy.

Ur-spo said...

good for you for regular testing
in this day and age, HIV is happily not the death knell it used to be.
And nobody in theory should be a 'new case' what with safe sex knowledge out there for so long - but people are foolish and don't follow the rules of risks.

Maddog said...

I left a comment on someone's blog last week that I have a full physical scheduled for when I get back to New York. I'm actually more worried about the cholesterol test than I am about the HIV test.

sexy said...