I have done it before, this wasn't the first time. And, I couldn't really think of a reason to worry. But I was. Anxious. Concerned. Scared. One always is, no?I hadn't done anything unsafe, dangerous, stupid. At least, I couldn't remember anything. I haven't done much, really. But I needed a follow up from several months ago. I'd missed doing that. One needs to know. We need to be aware.
The nurse came in. (He was a very handsome bear). Goodness. He put me at ease. He drew blood, he did the quick-test, too. As we waited for the quick-test to do its thing, I talked. I confessed, I shared. He told me that he had been married, too. Has a son, now grown. He shared his story with me. And he let me talk. I cried. I really cried. I guess the tension, anxiety, whatever.
Times up. Results. Negative.
I cried more. He let me hug him, and he just held me. And let me cry. Such a relief.
Every now and then, we all need to have an HIV test. We just need to do it. What if it were positive? I had already decided that I have come to far to even think about giving up. We'll deal with it. Whatever we need to do. What ever I need to do.
No turning back. No giving up. And I am so grateful. Do the test.
7 comments:
Congrats on being reaffirmed on what you already knew. And it was a great report that you shared about your talk with the nurse. I am glad he was there for you and that you were able to share your common threads and feelings. And it's nice that you actually felt a "relief" from it as well. ((((Joe))))
Glad you went, glad it's negative.
I am happy to hear that you went and that the results were negative. My last test was negative also. I was scared too then - more of being found out that I was tested for it than afraid of what the results would be. It's been a while, but since I've had no contact since then - except with Rosey - I'm not too concerned. I may echo your post with my own tale.
What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it. You were very lucky to find a compassionate health professional who looked at you as a person and not just a patient.
Thank you for writing so movingly about this episode. How did you happen to find such a compassionate and caring nurse? I rejoice in your good news. Be safe. Be happy.
good for you for regular testing
in this day and age, HIV is happily not the death knell it used to be.
And nobody in theory should be a 'new case' what with safe sex knowledge out there for so long - but people are foolish and don't follow the rules of risks.
I left a comment on someone's blog last week that I have a full physical scheduled for when I get back to New York. I'm actually more worried about the cholesterol test than I am about the HIV test.
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