Tuesday, April 01, 2008

No foolin'

Yes, it's April Fools' Day. But I ain't foolin'. Today is struggle.

I am SO tired of being "needy," of struggling, of feeling frazzled. So much energy gets focused on just getting through the day, I don't seem to get much else done. I'm not doing my job very well. I am glad my organization can keep right on going, which it has. I have been able to get done enough that things are running. But I am running down.

I waked up at four a.m. with some real anxiety stuff running through my head. Things with family, things with me, feeling cornered, hopeless, trapped, just wanting to run away.

I haven't, of course. I didn't. I'm here. Some prayer, quiet, prayer, and some more prayer, got me focused enough to get going today. One day at a time. today. just today.

Prayer for me is not about "asking God" anything in particular. It is about conversing with, being in touch with, realizing the presence with me. And so, I have.

As a dear blogger friend commented to me, from something learned in his past, "God does not save us from drwoning only to let us die on the shore."

Today. I will make it today.


A Troll At Sea said...


One of my gurus once said that real prayer asks who we are and who we are meant to become.

I can say that, for myself at least, making the decision to come out and take the consequences brought me a degree of peace I had not known for years.

It came at the price of suffering, but what blessing doesn't?

I am still chewing on the fact that the resolution of my "passion" seems to have come at the expense of others, which doesn't sound exactly Christian to me, but who am I to say? I just stumble on through life.

Hang in there.

Donald said...

Thank you for the honesty of your record of these days of your life. Something must tell you that pain, willingly shared, has the potential of guiding others, reassuring them, consoling them, strengthening them.

God bless you for your generosity.

birdoparadise said...

I am humbled at your honesty and openness. You are so free with your feelings here; is there someone there in Real Life with whom you can be so honest? Sometimes it doesn't take a solution so much as being heard, REALLY heard. I ache for you and pray for your peace, in heart and mind. God bless you, Joe.


Lemuel said...

Prayer that is conversation is the best kind.

Ur-spo said...

a useful prayer at these times is to ask God for Grace 'meet me halfway' and I will try to unplug from everything but the present, and together we will get through this day.

Anonymous said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this trying time. To quote Victor Hugo, "Have courage for the great soorows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."

Jeremiah Andrews said...

When you pray, pray in secret. Go to your closet and pray to your heavenly father. If you need it, then put it into a prayer. If you feel it, put it into a prayer. Prayers said from the soul, seem to get God's attention, and it gets OUR attention as well.

Been here, Done this, it works...

Never limit your prayers, because if you do - you will limit yourself and your potential.

Pray, Pray often, and most importantly believe that what your prayers speak, so shall it be with you. Trust me...

The Preacher Jeremiah