Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fair to Partly Cloudy

Spring has finally arrived to stay (at least this week). And for that I give thanks. Still, some clouds close in as I think about the future (please know I try to think as little as possible, but sometimes, it just happens).
I have pondered trying to explore the possibilities of coming out at my present job and hoping I could continue. I think that is less likely to happen. Some of my reticence to move is most likely my distaste for job searches, my comfortableness where I am (to a degree), and the beautiful area in which I live. And, my self-esteem sometimes drops to the level of "you don't want to hire me, do ya?"

At least today is beautiful, laundry is getting done, chores are underway. Shirts come off, construction workers are out. . . . Oh, well, you know. There are many handsome, furry, beefy men around these parts. And at least I can look.

11 comments:

john said...

I'm beginning to believe that we have to pick and choose wisely who we come out to.

Michael said...

Be prudent, but choose in the direction of life. This will no doubt include choosing honesty, but honesty does not mean everyone has a right or need to know everything.

If you are still working steps, this is definitely stuff to bring to a sponsor for insight. Or if you are not doing step-work, I hope you have a spiritual director/companion who can listen to the Spirit with you.

And don't shoot yourself in the foot with the temptation to assume no one wants to hire you. Odds are that there is someone you want to work for who also wants you. My one bit of experience to share: Don't take a job just because it is a job and because they will hire you. In the long term (and probably in the short term) that way lies much unnecessary unhappiness and complications.

Jen said...

This has been a terribly long winter and I am not ready to trust that spring is really here yet. but when it comes in all its glory, for about a weekend where I live its wonderful. Hang in there, take a few deep breaths when you can and then pull your head out and say "I'm worth it" cause you are.

Ur-spo said...

and fellows on bicycles with those stretchy type shorts. ah summer.

David said...

Spandex and lycra, so often a mistake, but when it's not, wow! ;)

Don't be afraid. Easier said than done. But I think Michael hits the mark...choose in the direction of life. In my recent job upheaval, I really had to let go of my desire to hold on to what I know, what I'm comfortable with, what feels safe, and sit back and deeply reflect on what is affirming and life-giving for me. Things worked out in ways I never expected, but I had finally gotten to a place of peace.

And you'd be surprised at who would want to hire you! I know I was. A friend of mine who is an HR professional made it clear to me that though I feel mediocre, in reality I'm a stellar employee in many ways. We almost never see ourselves accurately. The fact that you are so intentional about understanding yourself says so much good about you.

JC said...

I never really understood the need to come out at work... Do you care if someone you work with is asexual, impotent, or sex crazed?
Well i guess if they are hot and you want to hit on them - and risk sexual harassment.
If it really is not related to the workplace, who business is it anyway. Unless you are in the porn business, I don't see why it would matter.

afod said...

I think "ogle" is the word, not "look." ;-)

I see myself in your second paragraph and sometimes I get too lazy in the acceptance of where I am, despite the fact that I could potentially be in a better place. Honesty with yourself, along with a dose of reality, is the best policy.

Anonymous said...

This has GOT to cheer you up. It did me:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cyHbT8DC078

Louis.

sattvicwarrior said...

Ive been gay ALL my life, and VERY VERY happy without letting the world know what i do in the privacy of my OWN world. and coming out is the LEAST important part of being gay. actually its more a hinderence to a certain degree.
People make more out of it than it really is.
:john " said it very well in his post!!!

Donald said...

Give yourself the benefit of unadulterated affirmation. I think it's what real Christianity is about.

daveincleveland said...

oh i so love the bikers, and i have several in my neighborhood that insist on taking of their shirts while working in the yard....
i am finding that as this journey for me moves on its less important as to who i come out to but that i came out to me, i feel work does not need to know, when they hired my they didn't ask about sexual orientation on the app, but the important thing here is that you are out to you, you are true to yourself and nothing can top that..everything else falls into place as it is for me, forming new groups of friends, living a whole new life and finally after years and years feeling really good about myself that i am finally worth something