Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Dramatis personae

It has been way too long since last posting, and I've missed it. And yet, I haven't felt inspired to post anything. Sometimes the Spirit moves in the writing, and I write pages, and then say, "@$%*(+@!" and delete it all and start over.

Our road trip of the last post went well except for the actually road part. 500 miles of driving in pouring rain, thunder, and lightning made me ready for down-time in a padded cell. Please, just leave me be, in silence and darkness; just deliver the meals.

In my job, I come into contact with all sorts of people. Last week, I encountered a big, bearish man in an ancilary profession. Through our work contact we remained basically professional, but then there was that stare. I'm guessing I started it, but he stared right back. I held on just a little longer; so did he. Then, the prolonged handshake, and a bit of a wink.

Of course we both have wedding rings, wives, children. In our contacts over the years, I have always really figured he was gay. [My gaydar seems to work rather well]. But for some reason, we came on to each other, just a little bit. In a silent sort of way, we "outed" each other. But nothing was ever overt. I did not grab him and lick my way across his beard, though such things did cross my mind (and other places).

It feels so odd. I have always reckoned he was gay, but maybe something in me is giving off stronger signals. Maybe I made some move, some gesture that gave me away. Did co-workers notice? Who can say. It feels odd because I really enjoyed the flirting and fixated on him just a bit, for the rest of the day.

Making contact would probably not be in our best interests, but if he did . . . .
And what kind of contact; what words should be spoken. Typically, I want to go up to him (privately) and say, "Well, now that we have outed each other, what do we do?"

Yes, I want to jump his bones. I want to jump every guy's bones. But what about friendship without the sex. Is it possible, or will I sabotage it with acting out? Time will tell.

Somehow, I expect that when I "come out" publically, most people well may say, "It's about time." Enough for today.

Cheers, Joe.


dave in cleveland said...

isn't that gaydar thing amazing buddy.....

Brian said...


Am there, do that. You said it so well.

CanEragon said...

There is a wise proverb spoken by an italian woman eating dinner in a Trattoria in a certain film as she says...

"Don't shit where you eat...!"

It may be enticing to dine at the buffet of earthly delights because you have not seen such food before, so before you don your bib and grab those utencils, I remind you of these hallowed words spoken with true grit ...

Experience and Life teaches certain lessons, hunger is one thing, making a possible momumental and possibly career damaging move might not be very wise.

One must test the water in the bath before one gets in to avoid getting scalded. Be wise, be careful and don't do it at work.

Take it or leave it...


geek_boi said...

I'm going to echo Jeremy's comments and encourage you to take everything very slowly and carefully.

I don't know your home situation, but I might also suggest telling your wife about this. I know that seems counter-intuitive, and I'm sure she won't be pleased, but secrets and lies are only going to hurt her more than the truth.

Honesty, honesty, honesty. Thats what coming out is all about.

I like the pic, too!

bear said...

Yes!! I have a unposted draft a couple weeks ago to add to my "Gay Questions" postings, the prolonged stare was one. Apparently, there are a bunch strange things we do subconsciously, some you can't control like your pupils will dialate and we pick up on it.
I think others can pick up on the body language too, especially anyone who also has an interest in either one of you.
Bringing it up at work can be awkward (esp. if you're completely wrong!), not sure if work is a good place, but, if you must, here's what I'd suggest: go grab a quick beer at a bar somewhere together after work, if he goes, then that's good, if you have privacy and there's more prolonged staring (or not), then, maybe bring it up then.
I usually suggest it in a joking way like I'd probably lean over to his ear and say something like, "are you hitting on me?" If he says "yes" you're in, go to the next question. If "no" perhaps because he's embarrassed but you can tell he still is, I'd mutter in a low voice and snap my fingers "darn it!" and laugh. Then it's up to him to decide if I was kidding or not. :)

freethnkr said...

It has not gone unnoticed that you have turned the picture around.