Sunday, January 23, 2011

Privacy and Reality: but The Bear Abides

For reasons various and sundry, I've had to change my profile.  The old one is gone (sort of) and there are new "contributors" on my blog.  Well, they are really just me.  I've moved my blog to a new . . . . . .something.

As I am out at work and need to be seen in the electronic community, I've had to do a few things to protect the privacy of my blog and such.  i don't want to stop blogging or delete my blog, or feel restrictive in what I can write.  So, if I've dissapeared as a 'follower' of you blog, know that i just might reappear later.

If this is confusing to you, it is more so for me.  The enduring electronic presence of me (or any of us) is a little scary.  Our words, images, statements, etc., have been captured electronically, and may remain in cyberspace forever and ever, and ever.

While I've done what I can to change some things, The Bear Abides.

This is a test

Really, it is. Don't worry. Just changing some things administrative.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Home again

My housemates are back from foreign travels.  It is good to have them home.  It's been lonely.

Snow is melting.  s l o w l y.  Life moves on.

Working in the non-profit sector has its interesting moments.  One odd thing is the 403b.  You may have a 401k,  but I have a 403b.  And they aren't the same.

For reasons to arcane and enigmatic, I cannot cash out my teeny tiny 403b that was going to pay my offspring's tuition this semester.  I am screwed.  Royally.

Somehow I will make it happen.  But today, I know not how.  Ugh.

On Christmas day (in the midst of a really big snow storm) my children, and their mom, and I went out to eat, as we've done every year for the past couple of decades.  Every Christmas.  Only two places have been so honored to host us on these occasions, one in the small town where we once lived, and the other where I (we all) now live.  Fancy.  Expensive.  Tradition!

The latter establishment has, in its expansive lobby, two huge fireplaces.  Really big.  The picture above tells it all.

Stay warm, friends.  Hope you've someone to stay warm with!  Cheers.

Saturday, January 08, 2011


OK, I've had enough winter.  It is snowing again!  And it is bitter cold tonight.

Some snow-showers, some flurries, all right.  But this is a few more inches.  And not the kind I like!


And in other news . . . .

Well, there ain't much other news, this time.  Stay home, stay well, stay warm.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

We Begin Again

Thomas Merton was a great spiritual writer of the 20th century.  Maybe the greatest, at least from a Christian perspective; but his work really crosses a lot of boundaries.  Many saw him as a great spiritual "guru" of a sort.  But  he never saw himself that way.  One of my favorite quotes from him is, "Surely, we are all beginners."

It is comforting, helpful, refreshing, and hopeful for me to hear such words from such a one as Thomas Merton!  There's hope for me yet!  I'm beginning so many things.  I'm beginning to discover "me."

Christmas Day Snowstorm 2010
Coming out, even to myself, at such a late age has given me the advantage of a more supportive environment.  The world has changed so much from my early days of rejecting the possibility that i might be gay.  No.  Not me.  Couldn't be.  And that's be 30+ years ago.  Denial.  Hiding.  I didn't even know what closet I was in.

Now. Now is so different.  And out feels so good.

And in other news . . . . 

My housemates (hosts, really) are gone till mid-January.  So if you want to come visit, there's room amongst the cats.  Not the prettiest time to visit my neck of the woods, but not so bad, either.  A foot of snow has melted already, and there is promise of some warmer temps and sun.  Has been a bit lonely around the house.  I've come to appreciate anew the gracious hospitality I'm offered with C & S.  It's nice to have some folk to come home to.

I've taken a few tests of late.  Tests that have raised my anxiety greatly!  Fear has been rampant.  But I took the bull by the proverbial horns and got it over with.  Thank you God!  The anxiety built up over the "grading process" was more than I'd admit to.  The major test was a quick one, resulting in nothing to write home about.  And that's a very good thing.  You get what i'm talking about (and email me if you don't).  A good way to start the new year.

After it all, I was really emotionally over wrought.  And I did something that is a bit difficult for me:  I called a friend and said, "I need some hugs."  And, God bless him, he was there for me.  Just hugs, and dinner, and talking.  Nothing more.  I didn't need advice or solutions, or sex - just a friend.  I'm learning to make friends.  Up close and in person.  Surely, we are all beginners.

And, I finally made an appointment to have my eyes checked.  It has been a while!  But insurance has changed so that I can afford it!  And my eyes are very healthy, but very different!  I mean the prescription on the lenses will be totally different.  I will be able to see well again!(No, I still won't be able to see straight).  It's really a minor thing in some ways, but it's been driving me batty!

We begin again.  We start over.  It's not back where we were, it's someplace new.  But we begin it again, nonetheless.

And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding, near the end of the poem.  It's one of Eliot's Four Quartets.