Moving brings all kinds of stresses, re-assessments, acts of discernment, days of frustration, and opportunities for recycling. And it can also be very depressing. I am quite depressed today, anyway. Be it moving or barometric pressure (and a cloudy, sun-less day), I've had a tough time getting moving. But I am plodding, nonetheless.Boxes: emptied, and still full; drawers not recently opened or explored; feeling a bit like a visitor in someone's home. And yet making myself at home. I need to focus on making it home. And what that mans to me.
I've made an electronic connection with someone once in a situation like mine. he's read back over old blog posts and made comments. I went back and re-read some old posts. Wow. I wrote that stuff? Could have fooled me.
And in other news, , , , , my last post ended with a "maybe." It was intended to be a "may be;" not expressing uncertainty of connection, but wonderment about what may yet be. It was indeed a very real connection.
And, I may have committed a terrible blogger-sin, or had a stroke of genius: I told him about my blog, and sent him the link. Hello, D. are you there? So now he has the opportunity to get to know me through what I've written. And, (or but) I can't write all about him on my blog! Yet, it's seemed the kind of intuitive connection that leads me to want him to know me better. And there is so much history in this blog. I really like him, but it's certainly more than a "like" kind of connection. Who knows. May be. May it be. What yet may be?
9 comments:
I certainly understand. I told a friend about my blog and now I feel self-conscious if I want to talk about him. I don't use his name, of course, but still...it censors me and I don't like that.
HUGS that the moving may quickly dissipate so you can settle into may bes. HUGS
Yes, I AM here... joyfully, gratefully, and looking forward to learning more about this blogger...
d
Funny that we often start these blogs in order to get the reality that is hidden inside us out there, hoping in this way to connect fully with another. And then when a connection (may be) happens, we can get all, "OMG, I'm letting him see me with my hair still in curlers before I've had a chance to show off how I look in my best suit!" We need to remember that the curlers (well, maybe not really the curlers, but you know what I mean) and the best suit are each part of our reality -- but neither one is ME. That is a mystery still unfolding, sometimes in curlers, sometimes in kilts, but potentially always in wonder.
Anyway, from my regular reading of your blog, it will most likely make a "may be" think "Hmmm, interesting, complex, human! And fun!"
Your feelings are quite understandable. Someone told me this one time and I thought at first they were full of crap. Truns out, they were right:
"Everything happens for a reason and when it's supposed to. Timing is everything."
I've learned that if I'm not comfortable about being somewhere or in a certain situation, I embrace it anyway because I'm meant to be there and there is a reason behind it. God puts us all in places we're unsure about and we wonder why we're there, but in the end a beautiful lesson springs from it. These lessons prepare us for either something we're going to go through in the future so we don't have a nervous breakdown if it's massive or we'll meet someone who'll go through it down the road and share our stories with them.
You're in my prayers, dear blogger friend.
part of becoming intimate with another is opening up parts of you at the risk of hurt/rejection. Your blog is part of you; so if he 'can't take it' then phooey!
I don't think you'll have any problems with telling him about the blog. I've told some of my in-person friends about my blog and they are completely uninterested after one visit. Even my hubby Greg won't read it anymore. So don't be so sure your mister will read yours consistently.
I hope your summer continues to get more and more interesting with D.
Cubby's remark about Greg not even reading his blog reminds me of a time I was invited to give a retreat for a monastery of nuns. I had been their resident chaplain for a year, preaching daily, had given three eight-day retreats, preached three novenas and given any number of conferences there over a period of a few years. When I suggested I had already said everything I could possibly say, the young prioress laughed. "Oh, Michael! You thought we were listening!"
Happy to hear you have a 'maybe' in your life... I wish I could make that step sometimes, but don't have that courage to severe the ties holding me back
It sounds like you've gotten still another chance to make home.
Take your time and take it easy.
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