Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Alright Ok

Yes.  I'm alright and OK.  But  busy!  And, I've started a new discipline.  Ugh, yes, I said the word, discipline.

I'm not a disciplined sort of fellow, which may seem odd to some, given my profession and the discipline which I've undertaken.  Praying.

Along the Blue Ridge
Every weekday morning, a few folk (3 to 6 or so) gather for prayer and meditation.  The place is called Servanthood House.  A few programs, meetings, etc., go on there from time to time, as well as a counseling center that uses some of the rooms as offices, a sabbath circle gathering for a meal and worship on Fridays, and this group that gathers weekdays at 8 am.

There is little format or no formality, really, just silence.  Some read, some journal, some (like me) sit in silence.  I'm trying to practice Centering Prayer (which takes far more practice that you'd think), but not sure how well it's "working."  But "working" isn't what I'm there for.

There has been such craziness in my life of late, I have been closer to the edge than I want to be.  But I cannot control any of it.  It seems I'm going to be owing thousands to the IRS.  I already owe a lot to credit cards for expenses that had to be paid for my children.  With alimony, etc., I'm down to not much.  (Look, I'm not whining here, just reporting).  There has been a lot to do at work, and I've not handled that all so well.  I've been lonely, trying to date some and not so sure how that's working out.

So much that I cannot control.  But then, I wondered, "What is it I can do something about."  You know the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I've spent so much energy, time, spirit, worry on things I cannot change.  Finally, I've garnered a wee bit of wisdom to know what I can do something about.  But, it won't change my finances or work load.  But at least I'll go off to debtors prison with a most serene spirit.  Well, that's something, ain't it?

Too long have I been avoiding God.  Too long made excuses.  I'll just do it.  What could it hurt.

There have been no astonishing revelations or huge spiritual awakenings, but there have been good feelings, a calmer spirit, a more settled me.  And for that, I am very thankful.


behrmark said...

The 8 am group sounds like a good deal. I will endeavor to "join" you - 5 am my time - and ascend prayers on your behalf. I think you are on the right path toward healing. BEHR HUGS

Ultra Dave said...

I wish you the best buddy! Been thinking about you. Maybe somehow it will all work out. Maybe I'll even get back up that way for a Christmas tour. Any centering exercise takes practice and well worth it in my opinion. It will get better, it always does, even if you don't see it now.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

It took you how long to remember the serenity prayer??? And I might add that staying in your day, living one day at a time will help you as well.

A little program, a little prayer and a little letting go will go far.

We all owe money, things will go easier as long as you stay out of your head.


Neil said...

You already have a lot. You have a picture of God as the person you can trust and rely on, a person who accepts and loves you as you are. Not everyone is that lucky. Good luck with the IRS.

Lemuel said...

My hat is off to you. It may surprise some (but not others) who know me, but I've never been good with the meditation thing - at least as many practice it. I do enjoy being alone at times, walking through deep woods or sitting on a rocky shore watching the ocean, but I could never get into the "formalized" meditation.
But that is just me. Believe me, I am sending you my best wishes!! Sometimes it is good to sit down and understand all that we are up against, but that sometimes overwhelms us. At other times it is wisdom to just take one thing, one day at a time.

Cubby said...

Have you gotten a second opinion about the IRS debt? I'm hope you're not relying on some bozo at H & R Block or using home software.

Anonymous said...

I was just about to send you an e-mail just to see how things were going. I am sorry they are not all sunshine and buttercups! It sounds like you are doing some good things for yourself. (Better than I am!) Times are tough, but even though it may not feel like it, God is there with you.

Peace and hugs.

Benton Quest

A Troll At Sea said...

It's amazing what happens when you give up trying to run it all, and finally accept what you can't change.

It can make you rethink a good deal of what you THOUGHT you thought...

My recent breakthrough was on a pretty small scale--I realized that the end of my health insurance would provide me with few options, but in fact I could live with most of them, so I just up and decided to stop worrying about it. And it's been as good as a week at the sea-shore...

As Mr. Bunyan portayed it, it is a real gift to have the pack [monkey?] taken off your back.

We're hoping to hit your neck of the woods on a long tour southwards sometime this winter, and hoping to swing by and see you, should you be "at home."

Good times? Bad times? Better to wait after your big shareholder meeting in the spring?

Hang in there.

Ur-spo said...

A lovely post; Discipline is a often a good thing, and few people seem to go for its benefits; perhaps as it requires effort and is 'no fun'.

RG said...

I've got some discipline for you. I'm just sayin'....

Vương Tử Trực said...

Don't be shy!

john said...

I love the Serenity prayer....I should say it more often.