I'm not a disciplined sort of fellow, which may seem odd to some, given my profession and the discipline which I've undertaken. Praying.
|Along the Blue Ridge|
There is little format or no formality, really, just silence. Some read, some journal, some (like me) sit in silence. I'm trying to practice Centering Prayer (which takes far more practice that you'd think), but not sure how well it's "working." But "working" isn't what I'm there for.
There has been such craziness in my life of late, I have been closer to the edge than I want to be. But I cannot control any of it. It seems I'm going to be owing thousands to the IRS. I already owe a lot to credit cards for expenses that had to be paid for my children. With alimony, etc., I'm down to not much. (Look, I'm not whining here, just reporting). There has been a lot to do at work, and I've not handled that all so well. I've been lonely, trying to date some and not so sure how that's working out.
So much that I cannot control. But then, I wondered, "What is it I can do something about." You know the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I've spent so much energy, time, spirit, worry on things I cannot change. Finally, I've garnered a wee bit of wisdom to know what I can do something about. But, it won't change my finances or work load. But at least I'll go off to debtors prison with a most serene spirit. Well, that's something, ain't it?
Too long have I been avoiding God. Too long made excuses. I'll just do it. What could it hurt.
There have been no astonishing revelations or huge spiritual awakenings, but there have been good feelings, a calmer spirit, a more settled me. And for that, I am very thankful.