Friday, May 09, 2008

Update

Busy busy busy. Much stuff, more work
Beautiful Spring, flowers blooming. I'll post some pictures.

I'm writing a letter to my children on telling them I'm gay. This is the big Coming Out. It won't happen till early June, but nows the time to think. Any suggestions?

How much to tell, and what not to tell. I've been dealing with this for a long time. For them, it's new info. It will take time for adjustment.

And lots of tears, I'm sure. But it will be good to tell the truth and be able to live it with them.

A flame azalea, irises, near my work

9 comments:

Lemuel said...

Best wishes with your letter. May you find words that will both release and reconcile.

"Aidan" said...

Joe,
Prayers for Gods incomprehensible love and grace to cover you and your children and that Abba Father will give you the right words to communicate your coming out. Much love to you my brother.

Paul "Anglican4ever"

Birdie said...

More than anything, convey that your love for them has not changed and never will. Kids today are far more accepting. In my daughter's crowd, two kids are gay; and it's no big deal to anyone. I love that.

God's grace shines on you and in you, Joe. I pray for you in your struggle.

Birdie

afod said...

I can only reiterate what those before me have said. But I think it is also important to let them know how difficult of a period this has been for you and what it has taken to get you to this point. And I believe you have already begun to write it by what you have written in this post...."I have labored over how much to tell you, and what not to tell you. But I've been dealing with this for a long time. For you, this will be new to you and may require understanding. And I know this news will take time for adjustment. And perhaps many tears, I'm sure. But it will be good for all of us to tell the truth and to be able to live it with you." Just some starting words for you to consider.

I'll be thinking of you during this time and keep us posted. We're here to support you! (((((Joe)))))

David said...

I hope and pray for you that they will know how very much you love them. I just came out to my 11 year old today (and will post on my blog about it soon), but it went very well. I know how difficult the struggle is...when and what to say. You are very much in my thoughts.

David

BentonQuest said...

I think your understanding that this is something that you have worked on but is new to them will serve you well. Just be gentle with them and with yourself. Also, be prepared for God's little surprises in the midst of this!!

My support and prayers as always!

Peace

Ur-spo said...

have you ever written you children before? or do you talk to them when there is news? If you are the later, this may be something to tell them face to face rather.
the advantages of a letter is it gives them time to think before responding to you. it is safer.
however, this may be something that courage requires you to be there.
what a choice.
good luck either way.
remember, 90% of what you fear won't happen.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

Children do not need to know so much depending on how old they are and how much information they can process at the time. I always err on the side of caution. There is coming out and there is too much information. The serenity prayer always works for me, having the wisdom to know the difference.

I would err on the side that daddy is just as normal as he was yesterday, just because you're gay does not make daddy any less a person than he was the day prior.

Be yourself and let your conscience be your guide.

Jeremy

Michael said...

Children, it seems, often know more than we think. They know something is wrong long before we say anything, and, sadly, they often think that they are somehow responsible for the amorphous wrongness they feel. Helping your children come to know what is going on will be good for them, even if the details -- and I am inclined to say common sense indicates appropriate boundaries -- are a surprise.

I did not have children to come out to, but my parents feared how my nieces and nephew -- then in their teens and early twenties -- would react, because they were very fond of me and held me in some awe. In fact, their acceptance and support was immediate and complete. One niece even told me she was glad there was someone interesting in our whitebread family.

As someone wise said, "The truth will set you free -- but it may hurt like hell first." If this goes well, rejoice. If it goes not-so-well, it is still almost certainly a step towards understanding. Like spring, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly these things happen. With my parents, acceptance came more slowly. Yet love wins out in the end.

You and yours remain in my prayers.