I am still working on the letter to my children telling them their dad is way gay. How 'bout we start with "a little bit gay." They don't need to know everything yet. As they mature, I want to let them know some of my struggles and misdeeds.
Families are as sick as their secrets, and I want my family to be as healthy as we can. But there are no quick fixes or easy ways out. I grew up with too many secrets, too much silence. The elephant(s) in the living room went ignored and unnamed far too long. This is no easy task and risks much., but it will be worth it.
My teenagers have been brought up to be open minded, inclusive, liberal, accepting. They each have friends or acquaintances who are gay. But when it's Dad . . . . .
Talk about a big "reality check!" The reality they have always known will be called in to question by this reality they have not known. If they distrust their perceptions of life, of me, of what is real, will they question my love and commitment to them? Probably, but I hope only fleetingly. Of course it will shake things up, shake them up. My prayer is that they will come around (and quickly) to see that I share this to help them get a better grip on reality. I share it all because I love them.
To clarify something: I am writing a letter but only to help me focus my thoughts and choose my words wisely. In June, their mom and I will sit down with them, and I will read it to them. This will help me stay on track and not go off on a tangent. Hey, I am ADD after all.
We used this plan last summer, telling them about our separation and my moving out of the house. That was a shock, too. But at least the younger one "saw it coming." I ain't so sure "gay" is on their radar. We shall see.