Thursday, March 06, 2008

Not an Oncoming Train

The haze is clearing, a little bit. the past few weeks have been a time of burdensome busy-ness and spiritual ferment. I am exhausted.

So much is swirling through my mind and spirit. It's seems that a job change or transfer may be sooner rather than later. This is troubling, terrifying, and (a little) freeing, too. I am not in a "good place" to search for a job: from the bottom of a pit. I cannot imagine "marketing" myself right now. "You wouldn't want to hire me, would you?"

Economic downturn is frightening for us all. I work in the non-profit sector where funding depends on contributions, not endowment or sales.

This past weekend was a board retreat for planning, community building, etc. They wanted me to do it. I was a wreck! Gifts I have, but not that! I flailed about and grunted and groaned and sweat, a lot. But things seemed to go OK. We got done what we needed to get done. Then I was off to a "managers retreat" called by the local area manager. It was more time on the road for an overnight stay, but it was relaxing. I didn't have to do anything but be there. Now I want a week or so of doing just that: being.

What changes are on the way? Will I be able to find a job close by (to stay near my daughters), continue to support my family, not cause great controversy, still keep straight friends and colleagues? So many ifs.

4 comments:

Lemuel said...

Do not sell yourself short. You have many gifts. The "CEO" recognizes that I am sure and he will make sure that they find a place where they can be properly used and develop even more.

Michael said...

When I was job hunting after leaving the monastery, a Jesuit with whom I worked told my partner that he thought I should get a job digging ditches or something, to take a break from the "helping professions" and get out of my head for a while. I can't say that I followed that advice intentionally nor that my own experience in the job market has been anything like positive. The employment reality is harsh for lots of folks today. But although many of us feel that "to dig I am unable, to beg I am ashamed", God does tend to be in charge if we can learn to put the solution in those hands.

The best advice -- for my peace of mind, at any rate -- came from a friend who had found himself in a similar situation. He was told to stop praying for a job and to imitate Mary at Cana: just point out your need and leave the rest to God. "I need a way to pay my bills, a way to provide for my family, a way to contribute to society." Then, as Mary said, "Do whatever he tells you."

David said...

So many people seem to be experiencing this right now. I just had my job declared "redundant". There's an effort underway to create a spot for me to keep me, and hopefully that will work out. A year ago, when my company merged with another, I thought I was going to have to relocate to Chicago and the thought of being away from my daughters was terrible.

Love is all around us, unexpectedly. God holds and touches us in our friends and families. One of the enduring lessons I learned some years ago is that somehow, things work out. Not always like I want or expect, but that God is there and I am there and we are together and there is love.

You have my prayers and thoughts and good intentions.

Ur-spo said...

when dealing with you ifs, please run them by your faith rather than your fears; you will go further and not get snoockered