The haze is clearing, a little bit. the past few weeks have been a time of burdensome busy-ness and spiritual ferment. I am exhausted.
So much is swirling through my mind and spirit. It's seems that a job change or transfer may be sooner rather than later. This is troubling, terrifying, and (a little) freeing, too. I am not in a "good place" to search for a job: from the bottom of a pit. I cannot imagine "marketing" myself right now. "You wouldn't want to hire me, would you?"
Economic downturn is frightening for us all. I work in the non-profit sector where funding depends on contributions, not endowment or sales.
This past weekend was a board retreat for planning, community building, etc. They wanted me to do it. I was a wreck! Gifts I have, but not that! I flailed about and grunted and groaned and sweat, a lot. But things seemed to go OK. We got done what we needed to get done. Then I was off to a "managers retreat" called by the local area manager. It was more time on the road for an overnight stay, but it was relaxing. I didn't have to do anything but be there. Now I want a week or so of doing just that: being.
What changes are on the way? Will I be able to find a job close by (to stay near my daughters), continue to support my family, not cause great controversy, still keep straight friends and colleagues? So many ifs.