What is happening to me? Maybe it's drugs (or lack thereof). Maybe it's life. Maybe it's freedom, or living in the Truth.
Living out of the house and venturing out of the closet, I have felt almost euphoric at times, barely able to grasp the wholeness of all this "new life." Was there ever a time in my life when I have felt this way? Ever?
- The old demons have subsided (and new ones arise. Or are they even older ones?)
- The shame and guilt: largely gone. But loneliness has crept in.
- The anxiety of lying to myself: dissolved. But fears and trepidations about "starting" a new life are lurking.Energy and focus to do my job are there in better measure; but distractions still annoy.
My depression has eased so much that I have been able to go off my anti-depressant medication. And I'm feeling great. But now something odd has been happening: tears.
I think it is an adjustment time, but the slightest things can set me off. A song, something I read. Anything that has to do with being lost, then found. Bound, then free.
I read some coming out stories on the Human Rights Campaign website. I cried. And, from one of *Christopher's websites, a service for "Binding & Loosing". This moved me deeply.
. . . . . in the Name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ be loosed from the
manifold voices that bind your heart from praising freely, be freed from the
foul demons that accuse your very life and cause you to doubt God’s friendship,
for they are bound forever this day that you might walk in the newness of
unending life, for you are washed by Living Water and by the Blood of the Lamb.
So many are bound by the words of others while the Word of God will liberate and release. And I know that simply printing these words that carry a very religious tone will put-off (or piss-off) some folk, just because of the toxic religion with which they have been abused. Dear friends, believe me: the toxicity lies with them, not with God, however you understand God.
Later. Cheers to one and all.