Monday, August 13, 2007

Movin' on up

For the last 6 weeks I have been "house sitting" for some friends. That was a gracious thing, allowing me to move out on my own with few extra expenses. And, it is a very nice home. But living in someone else's space, with their furniture, family pictures, etc., is a little weird. I can do it, but another gracious possibility has come my way: a condo to rent for next-to-nothing.

So, I have made the leap! I am in a space of my own. If I can, I'll post some pictures. There is little or no furniture, and the air conditioner is not functioning up to par. But I can begin to think about "making it my own." My girls came over yesterday afternoon and gave me great ideas for decorating. (Actually, they gave me specific instructions). It will take time to develop.

Still, I feel sadness from time to time. And, there is the guilt, and the added guilt about not feeling "guilty enough." But I am going to enjoy it. My guilt-about-guilt will do no one any good. Leave it be.

Onward, upward, progress. I'm having some fun!

12 comments:

Brent said...

The guilt for not feeling guilty enough... that's a perfect way to put it. Been there, done that, hate it, gotta move on from that... not that easy.

Michael said...

Sometimes we need someone - male or female -- to put the brakes on our decorating impulses when we finally get a space of our own.

Trust me on this.

BentonQuest said...

Sometimes when we finally are out of a situation, we just feel the relief of freedom! Don't beat yourself up for it. Freedom is a good thing.

Lemuel said...

I think the "reply" to your feeling guilty about not feeling guilty enough is summed up in your statement that your girls gave you specific instructions on decorating your new place. That says to me that you are all moving on in this journey together. You may have moved out but you have not moved away from your girls nor they from you.

Congrats on the new "pad"! I hope you will be able to post some pictures.

Akoni S. Chaput said...

Hey Joe, I found your blog browsing and just wanted to say "keep the smile on"...you are going through alot I see/read. Congrats on your new place and trust me it's an awesome feeling to decorate the way you want.

Sounds like you have the right type of thoughts going on, and you'll be okay.

Hope all is well where you are, and I'll check back in if you're alright with that.

Ross said...

Fun is fun.

bear said...

Wow, big step. Congrats on your new "diggs." Sadness and guilt are expected, enjoy your new life.

A Troll At Sea said...

BT:

there is guilt, and there is acknowledging your own responsibility in what has happened. Guilt gets you nowhere, but knowing who you are and what you have done will in some way help you forward.

I am really glad your girls came over, but I would hesitate to let them determine how you are going to "do" your space. It is yours first, and you should hold on to that. Make all the concessions you feel are necessary, but don't do stuff that makes you crazy as much as it makes them comfortable.

I too was given forty free days while in the wilderness, and I am still quite extravagantly grateful for it. I hope it helped you bridge the gap -- for me, what you experienced in the "family" surroundings of another family, I had within my own: that room I slept in had been my father's...

Well, welcome to the other side of the Looking Glass.

Hang in there.
It does get better.
God willing.

T@C

daveincleveland said...

congrats friend..soooo proud of you and how you are doing...keep at it buddy

quakerboy said...

Congrads on the new digs! We can all relate to the guilt thing. Do we ever completely get past it?

Anyway, if you need a "free" weekend vacation, you're always welcome to visit us in Greensboro...of course, we may make a Quaker out of you (just kidding, of course).

God's peace,
Craig

CJ said...

I've done the house sitting thing before and it's easy to kind of question your own identiy and lose yourself among their things. Glad your moving onward and upward. Strength and courage for you.

johnmichael said...

Wow for some independence!!
Stop with the guilt. You've done everything you can to atone for it!!
I hope all is going well!!