This is my last Christmas with my family. It seems that living separately may come very soon after the first of the year. Possibility of "job transfer" is looking good. It would be close enough, yet separate.
I am mourning the loss of my family and things the way they "have been." And yet, I do not fear the future as much as I might. Yes, there is fear there. There will be a lot of unknowns. But there is hope.
It is like living through Holy Week: the week before Easter Day. The week that leads up to Good Friday and being placed in the tomb. People thing that Holy Week ends with Easter and resurrection. Actually, Holy Week simply ends with death and the tomb.
Yes, we "know" Easter will come. We believe that resurrection will happen. But first we must make last journeys, east last meals, and then die.
Life as I have known it, the closet as I have furnished it is dying. While there is rejoicing in leaving the closet, there is fear of the unknown to come, and sadness of leaving the Known behind.
Mixed feelings. Sadness and Hope. Endings that await a new beginning.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards
Bethlehem to be bornWm. Butler Yeats
5 comments:
I wish you luck on your journey and peace as well.
We are all here for you--and if you need any of us, you can contact us.
God Bless!!
I'm sending you an email with some thoughts.
HUGS
[Lemuel]
When I left my community and the priesthood -- a "job transfer" within my tradition not being an option for an openly gay priest -- it was not as unsettling as I expected. Perhaps it was because I had a large network of friends and support -- spiritual, psychological and social. Months later, though, the grief began to manifest itself. Working as I now do with hospice, I have come to learn that it can take a spouse two to five years to fully grieve the loss.
I suppose a sign of hope could be that this need not be the last Christmas with your family, even though it will be the last one like this.
Life, as we pray, is changed, not ended.
i wave you on your journey which only you can go on. but there are voices in the dark to be with you on the way.
And what a marvelous place you are going. I can not describe it to you. but you will find it a wonder.
Hope...that's it! I often complain about the gay life's tragedy...yet you reminded me that the key is to hope. To hope it can be a better world. Thanks!
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