Thursday, December 21, 2006

Holy Week at Christmas

Even though it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, I'm feeling more like Holy Week.

This is my last Christmas with my family. It seems that living separately may come very soon after the first of the year. Possibility of "job transfer" is looking good. It would be close enough, yet separate.

I am mourning the loss of my family and things the way they "have been." And yet, I do not fear the future as much as I might. Yes, there is fear there. There will be a lot of unknowns. But there is hope.

It is like living through Holy Week: the week before Easter Day. The week that leads up to Good Friday and being placed in the tomb. People thing that Holy Week ends with Easter and resurrection. Actually, Holy Week simply ends with death and the tomb.

Yes, we "know" Easter will come. We believe that resurrection will happen. But first we must make last journeys, east last meals, and then die.

Life as I have known it, the closet as I have furnished it is dying. While there is rejoicing in leaving the closet, there is fear of the unknown to come, and sadness of leaving the Known behind.

Mixed feelings. Sadness and Hope. Endings that await a new beginning.

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards
Bethlehem to be born

Wm. Butler Yeats

7 comments:

john said...

I wish you luck on your journey and peace as well.
We are all here for you--and if you need any of us, you can contact us.
God Bless!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sending you an email with some thoughts.

HUGS

[Lemuel]

jeremy said...

Well, here goes the preacher...

It's holy week and they are gonna share a meal, it's Friday but Sunday's a coming.

It's Friday and they've killed my Lord, but Sunday's a coming.

It's Saturday and I am lost without my Lord...But Sunday's a coming...

The church rumbles with prayer, It's Friday but Sunday's a coming.

Jesus will rise from the dead, It's Friday but Sunday's a coming...

Easter morn the sun will rise and finally Sunday is here...

It may be a long Friday for you my son, but Sunday is COMING...

Merry Ho Ho - A joyous Holiday to you and your family, It may be Friday, but Sunday's a coming...

We are with you great bear, and Sunday's a coming...

Pax
The Wanabe Preacher
Jeremiah

Michael said...

When I left my community and the priesthood -- a "job transfer" within my tradition not being an option for an openly gay priest -- it was not as unsettling as I expected. Perhaps it was because I had a large network of friends and support -- spiritual, psychological and social. Months later, though, the grief began to manifest itself. Working as I now do with hospice, I have come to learn that it can take a spouse two to five years to fully grieve the loss.

I suppose a sign of hope could be that this need not be the last Christmas with your family, even though it will be the last one like this.

Life, as we pray, is changed, not ended.

Ur-spo said...

i wave you on your journey which only you can go on. but there are voices in the dark to be with you on the way.
And what a marvelous place you are going. I can not describe it to you. but you will find it a wonder.

BentonQuest said...

Merry Christmas!

bear said...

Hope...that's it! I often complain about the gay life's tragedy...yet you reminded me that the key is to hope. To hope it can be a better world. Thanks!