Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Living in the Fog

I've started a post about four times and always ended in deleting it. Hard to get out what I want to say. Worries about how much to say, how little to say. My brain bounces hither and yon. I am SOOOOO ADD. It can be pathetic.

I can write. Yes, I can do that. But the energy it takes, and the time. If only I could record my brain when I have these great, wondrous, insightful, illuminating thoughts all through the day. And then they are gone. Literally fallen off the shelf behind the mental furniture, and forgotten.

Oh, the fog.

Life moves along as preparations take shape for the return of school. My eldest is off to college and my youngest back into high school - and on the same day. (In the mountains, we have to make allowance for snow days, so public schools start in mid-August). That will mean that I stay home with my youngest while mom takes the eldest to college -- 500 miles away! I'm beginning to feel the hurt of missing that, and missing her.

Many things to say and ponder. I'll try to get some down on paper, or rather, in electrons.

Cheers, Joe.


john said...

I'm surrounded by fog many times.

Ur-spo said...

Oh, its always good to find a new entry from you!
I drive myself barking mad writing and rewriting my blog entries - it never seems to be good enough.
I'm learning to just write and wing it - and publish.
Ironically, those are the ones that seem to get the most comments.

bear said...

Must be hard to know one of your kids will be so far away. I'm sure she'll be fine, though in a way it's sad since it's a another step out the door away from safety of home, away from the family on her own...

I know what you mean, I think of the best things driving to work and thinking "I should write that"
I do have a lot of blogs entries where I ramble endlessly but unpublished just to get it out...though a few were published pretty much as is (in a new entry though!) I don't bother deleting then starting over, I just start again in the same blog entry, then cut and paste the best parts into one final new posting weeks later sometimes. I say just ramble...I don't mind at least! :)

Paul said...

Four years ago I took my daughter to freshman orientation. Then ... in what seemed like no time ... we just went to her graduation.

It's incredible how fast college flies by. And kids grow up.

A Troll At Sea said...

Bear Mind:

Hitting college marks a transition for parents as well as children. Our youngest is off to her freshman year in two weeks, and it seems like the Final Ending of something. As though there were not enough of that going on around here already...

the Troll






Steve said...

More than a year ago, I read a post on renee' altson's blog that said she was in a time both of "waiting and becoming."

For a year I have been stuck in the "and." Tired of waiting, not really sure I've started becoming yet.

For the third time in six years, I am going to be spending my "vacation" time preparing to move. It's getting old... I have to admit to being very envious of your pictures of vacation. I long for the days when I can say, "I'm done with this, I need some time away," and go to Provincetown or San Fran or wherever the hell and spend time in Boystown or Castro or wherever gay folks hang out.

Part of me is delighted to be moving - to leave "the 'hood" behind. Longing to leave the noise and congestion and traffic and panhandlers.

Part of me says I'm out of my mind to be moving to a town that is as red-necked and blue-collared as can be...how do you find a gay community in a beer-and-a-shot autoworker town?

I, too, am in fog - the radar isn't working, the instrument-landing stuff is just showing static. I will be closer to family - and yet farther from "family" than I've ever been. It's scary and familiar all at the same time.

I am out to my immediate family - where I'll be living for a while - but the fact is that hearing "Steve's gay" and seeing Steve with another man are two entirely different things. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

Just know that you are not alone - that God has given us each other to know that we are on parallel journeys, in many ways.

And, as my first AA sponsor was fond of telling me, if you are walking hand-in-hand with God, and I am, too, then we are walking together - no matter how many miles separate us.

May God's peace and serenity surround you like a warm blanket on a cool mountain evening...