Saturday, June 03, 2006

One to Hug

I don't have many friends, hardly any. But I have one friend who is gay, and he knows my secret. He has been very supportive of me in this process, acknowleging how painful parts of it are for me.

And he gives great hugs! He let's me talk and he let's me hug him and squeeze. It means a lot. No, we haven't "done it", nor do I plan to. I don't want to mess things up with sex. One day, I'd love to, but not now. It's important for me to be faithful to present commitments. I am a married man.

But he let's me hold him, and smell him, and rub my hands on his back; and that means so much. I can hold him authentically, not having to be concerned about "will he get the wrong idea." I have always loved to hug, and I hug a lot. But with men (straight men) I get concerned that I might hug too much.

I know some other gay men, but I am not out to them. Though they probably have figured me out. This friend is one with whom I can be real. Thanks be to God.

Cheers, Joe.


john said...

A good hug can mean everything. And there is great comfort in a friend's hug.
It's great that you've got a friend you can lean on. And I believe that friends are gifts from God.

CanEragon said...

Hugs are "very good things." I like hugs, especially from certain people. A hug in recovery means to me that someone allows me into their space. It reminds me of the basic human need for touch and warmth.

I send you daily Hugs from far far away.


bear said...

I find this to be an interesting post. When I was young, I shared this close type of hugging to one close friend. It almost became like spooning, we'd talk in each others arms etc. There was no sex or anything. It's a GREAT feeling.
And just today, my partner and I, met with my friend to introduce my partner to his wife. My friend unexpectedly picked me off the ground right and hugged me hard right in the middle of the street. I had to laugh. I do always hug my closest (straight) friends.
When I first came out, I learned to hug ALOT. Apparently the "bear" crowd is all about it, so I found myself hugging everyone I met. It's part of "the brotherhood" and I've come to think of it as a reassuring sign that you are "okay" and that they accept you. Gay guys in general greet with hugs actually.
Honestly, EVERYONE likes a hug, straight or gay. You're never wrong to hug I think!

P.S. There's a difference in a "straight" hug, it seems more should-to-shoulder and a quick pat on the back (hips never touch) and then quickly separate. If you remember to do this with the straight friends, they won't freak as much?

CanEragon said...

You can tell a heterosexual man from a gay man in the way they approach and execute a hug.

Straight man - get in - get out - no fuss - no long term body contact, unless of course you are DRUNK and watching a hockey match or a football game, then massive alcohoically induced man hugging ensues. The difference between a straight man and a gay man - A 6 PACK!

ha ha ha ha

Gay men - gotta hug, just to feel the body and possibly cop a squeeze of ones "ash frame" oh and to inhale the latest scent from the cologne aisle at The Bay, we hug because its is part custom, socially accepted gay men dont fear touching other gay men - or nay man for that matter. A good hug takes you close enough to get a "man scent" YUMMY !!

he he he

bear said...

hehe...I TOTALLY agree with you Jeremy. The "sports" or "drunken" hug is definitely true...too funny.
I was being a little too disingenuine to say that the hug between gay guys was just a mere greeting.
I did realize this, actually, when posting, but, thought too long already! Perhaps it should be a post in itself...

Peterson Toscano said...

I am glad you have this friend. The coming out process requires many hugs and loving friends. We can't do it alone.

Derek said...

really enjoying your blog! I'm a gay christian as well, and I am happy to find another gaychristian blog.

Nate said...

Nice friend to have. My gay friend who I met on my last trip ends all his e-mails "hugs". I never thought of it in these terms before.

Bear mentions spooning - my wife has been more upset to spooning references in my writings than any sexual references. She's no dummy.

Bigg said...

You know, I have been thinking for some time that what I need is a close gay friend that I can share my feelings with. Nothing sexual, just friends, but still someone to be close to....
Great post!

dave in cleveland said...

thats so great to have that one person you can confide in and just talk to and be yourself, i have 1 friend in that i can tell almost anything and he knows all about me, but he is straight...but he is very supportive......then i have my blog buddies....thank you guys cause you all understand where we all are and thank you joe you are a sweetie and many hugs to you

The Brian said...

Another good luck here, hoping you find that happiness and joy you deserve, Brian