The Closet

Surfing around, I came across this video at Pip's blog. I wept. Loudly.

Me, myself, I

I'm having one of those sinking feelings, getting overwhelmed with stuff and life and everything. It may be in large part due to illness: I've had a chronic sinus infection for several months. Now I'm on my third antibiotic which should quell the bug (or kill me otherwise).

Like most folk, I get depressed when I'm ill, and I haven't felt like myself in several months. Wait. Do I know what "myself" feels like? Hmmm.... I'll have to think on that some more.

Ordinary Day

Note: I've taken out the picture of me buzzing my head. Too recognizable, I guess.
Though I want very much to reveal all of who and what and how I am, it's just
too risky. Sometimes I push the envelope, and I don't want to get squashed
in the process. My livelihood and the lives of others may be too adversely
affected right now. One day. One day

Saturday was chores day. Twice a month or so (if I remember) I give myself a haircut. No. 2 buz, all over; #1 in the front (sometimes). I always do things the same way, except when I don't.

This is me on my back deck, using the sliding glass door as a mirror. This is not detail work, friends. It works. I figure I save at least $10 by doing this myself. Would I look better with a little longer hair, nicely styled? Probably, but I'm too frugal; besides, I don't have to look at me.


There are always some trimmings left over, swept back into nature.

There is also laundry to do! Ugh. It's not the washing and drying I mind; it's the folding and putting away.



Here is my ugly-fabulous avocado green washer! Only $5o at the Habitat for Humanity store! The plain jane white dryer is on the left. [Yes, I know the laundry nook configuration is weird. It's a long sotry].

That's why I am so glad I have the beds set up in the guest room! New palces to put the laundry in my long-standing experiment to see if it will fold itself! Hasn't worked yet, but why give up now.



As you can see, I have plenty of room. Come visit.

There and Back Again

No. 1 is well ensconced in college for year three. Good it was to spend time - just the two of us. Much done, good daddy deeds (shoe rack mounted on door, curtain rods up, and special lighting installed).

And, I was able to devise a more scenic, more relaxing, and (indeed) friendlier route from here to there. The "usual" route involved getting on the interstate, drive to Memphis, turn right, then left. Park. The new and improved route does take a bit more time (but not too much) and is only 10 miles longer. It goes through two gorges, past at least three dams, over some really neat bridges, and a stop-over on the way. That was the best part.

RayBob kindly invited me to stay over at his Little House which is close-enough-to-half-way betwixt here and there. What a wonderful man! Kind hospitality, great conversation, and more! A man of deep spirit, easy manner, and great handsomeness, too!

It made for good preparation for and decompression from the drama of the college delivery.

Thanks, RayBob bear for your kind hospitality, warm friendship, and loving spirit.

Grok and (unrelated) Drama

Along the journey, we have forest, desert, oasis, wilderness, open field, and rivers. On occasion, those rivers may be dangerous torrents or wide barriers. But there are also streams of "living water" providing refreshment and relief. Such was my weekend with RayBob.

With open hearts and minds, connections happen. Spirits move. We really grokked.

This week days are filled with preparations to get daughter #1 back to college, so I've not much time to post. Of course, in family tradition, there is great drama with everything!

Well, I am gay, after all. Who'd a thunk it?

Re-member

August 6th is the Fest of the Transfiguration. (See Luke 9:28-36). Jesus takes with him Peter, James, and John. They climb up "the mountain" and spend time in prayer. Suddenly, Jesus is "transfigured before them" (metamorphosis in Greek). They see Jesus with Moses and Elijah (guess they all had their name tags on). Suddenly, "a cloud came and overshadowed them; and they were terrified as they entered the cloud."

The past few weeks have felt like that terrifying cloud overshadowing me. [Thanks to all who left supportive comments, a post or so back.] But, as with the Transfiguration, it was in the midst of the cloud that the voice of God spoke.

While I have heard any voices lately (not like that!), I have remembered some things. To re-member is to become again, to re-call, even to re-live (in a sense) something you once knew, were once a part of (that is still a part of you).

The incredible terrain I have traversed in the last year has been immense and has taken a toll. Overloaded, my soul needs rest. What's called for, I believe, is some balancing of work and creative down-time. Accepting and living with and within the "cloud," I am seeing, feeling, re-membering the Presence.

Be still and know; tarry thou the Lord's leisure; the holy One watches over my going out and my coming in (and my coming out, too).

Jesus' said "Do not be afraid." I dare say he meant it.





And in other news new friend RayBob had to come to town for a family gathering, and I offered hospitality. He is great fun (and very woofy!). It's lifted my spirits considerably having someone here, moving me out of my 'stuff.'

Random

Well, I have to post something today, it's 08-08-08.. My day off. Unremarkable, except for my dying computer. The keyboard and mouse are acting very strange and strangely. I must type slowly and make sure the letters appear. Sometimes they don't. it's weird.

I cut my hair today, as I do every few weeks. No. 2 all over. No. 1 in the front. I have funny hair and short is better. Really.

The bird feeder pole has a new anti-squirrel device (only partly successful). The weather is great, and the turkeys were back for a feast.

Without television, I'm missing all the Olympic hullabaloo. Oh well. Another time.

Changes. . . . or not

I think it is a saying from the 12 Step tradition: If nothing changes, nothing changes. It took me a moment, some thinking, then, Aha! If nothing changes. . . .

I seem to wait for things to change around me, more re-actively. I wait for "it" to come from "out there." But if nothing changes with me, if I don't take charge of some things, then nothing will change, really. Learning to claim my own power, discipline, and courage is work.

My weight and general health. My job situation. My finances. All need addressing. But I don't want to! (Would you like a little cheese with that whine)?

I am not sure if it is depression, laziness, lack of focus, or fear (and most likely a combination of things) that keeps me on my butt. Still pondering . . . . .If nothing changes, then nothing changes.





And, here's a shout out to friend Topper at My Rainbow Fish Journey. He's chronicled some of his life journey and his struggles with being Christian and being gay that speak to me. Check it out.

Turkeys

Since my house backs up on to woods, I have all sorts of wildlife that come to visit my bird feeders and my yard. I've had these wild turkeys come by about twice a day scrounging and scratching for food. When i refill the feeder (about once a day) I always make sure to scatter plenty of seed on the ground for the turkeys (as well as the squirrels and chipmunks).

Presumably this is a hen and three poults. There were five, earlier in the season. It's not unusual to for several to be lost in a year. They have grown quite a bit!

For the Birds

I have great fun feeding the birds (and the squirrels). These are my feeders. The yellow one contains thistle seeds for the goldfinches. Lots of goldfinches. The "bell" feeder seems to be for the squirrels most to the time. Next purchase: squirrel guard for the post.

The red one is for hummingbirds. I was an adult before I knew hummingbirds lived here (and anywhere, outside of National Geographic!). To see the hummers at the feeder (and fighting over it) is really exciting. Such amazing and beautiful creatures.