I think it is a saying from the 12 Step tradition: If nothing changes, nothing changes. It took me a moment, some thinking, then, Aha! If nothing changes. . . .I seem to wait for things to change around me, more re-actively. I wait for "it" to come from "out there." But if nothing changes with me, if I don't take charge of some things, then nothing will change, really. Learning to claim my own power, discipline, and courage is work.
My weight and general health. My job situation. My finances. All need addressing. But I don't want to! (Would you like a little cheese with that whine)?
I am not sure if it is depression, laziness, lack of focus, or fear (and most likely a combination of things) that keeps me on my butt. Still pondering . . . . .If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
And, here's a shout out to friend Topper at My Rainbow Fish Journey. He's chronicled some of his life journey and his struggles with being Christian and being gay that speak to me. Check it out.
9 comments:
hey handsome man...i agree there are some things that i am just putting off like contacting the lawyer about bankrupty..afraid of what will happen...keep thinking that if i file bankruptcy i will have no money at all....so, dear sexy man, get up off that ol bear but and get things moving...time will heal..i cannot believe that i am as far as i am...never never never thought i would get here...i assumed i would be married and secret till i die....wow was i suprised
I'm much like that, too. Every once in a while the Spirit lights a fire, but for the most part I've lived as a reaction.
My life to a tee......I haven't filed my taxes yet....I haven't found an attorney for the divorce yet (poor Geoff is such a saint), I finally joined a gym (and have been there the past 3 days.....but then I've done that before only to fail)I put off work, I'm afraid to approach clients (I hate rejections).....see we all get stuck.
We are there for you.....keep up the blogging, keep breathing. You're a special child of God as we all are.
So I actually sat down at the computer and started completing the outline to that book, and then found I had begun a preface, and then the preface was completed -- well, a draft -- and suddenly I am part way into the first chapter and ...
It happens to us all, the paralysis that comes with the challenges of change.
Another bit of Twelve Step/Taoist wisdom: you only have to take the next step.
You might want to thank yourself for the steps you have taken in the past months. The journey not only stretches out ahead -- it also stretches out behind.
I think you also need to judge the size of the steps you have taken lately. While it may have only been one or two things that have been accomplished recently, most notably coming out to your children, those were VERY large steps taken. You would be surprised how many things are affected by that one action; some of which you mention: weight, general health, fear, and depression. The act of coming out I know was making you very nervous and pre-occupied which adversely affects one's health and weight by changes in metabolism. Give yourself more credit that's due to you.
Well, that makes me think a lot.
not to be worrying about change; it will happen and perhaps if you let things be the divine will set you where you should be going.
Hey Bro. Thanks for the shout out! Just think where I would if I had not taken that first step? Remember I spoke of the door I opened? Then I stepped through, me little timid me! Shall I be the one to remind you faith? Its by faith we all get through. I think I need to read Gene Robinison's book! Love ya sweet heart!
Topper.
Oh. Man. If nothing changes, nothing changes - and if I don't change...... this hit me in the gut today, its so relevant. My friend says, baby steps, baby steps.... but sometimes baby steps are too hard for other people to wait for, and too slow to keep us going forward. Choose ONE thing, and do it. A long list will just bring you down. L.
Post a Comment