Friday, February 19, 2010

Lent Out

Generally, all is well. Though there is still adjustment to being out.  Friend says, "be gentle with yourself."  I'm trying to take that advice to heart. 

I'm up to my ears in stuff to get done.  I'm navigating carefully at work so as not to be too flagrantly "out."  By that I mean, I want to give folk time to absorb it all, to see how things turn out, to see where the chips fall (so to speak).  As the saying goes, when the shit hits the fan, it is not thereby evenly distributed.

I know, many may think, "Why bother. Let'em deal with it."   Well, that's the way I am.  And it's such a different kind of job.  And, I have come to like getting paid.

Weather has been a pain, but it's warming a bit now.  Snow is still all around but melting.  Today it got to 45 degrees and feels like Spring!  I (and others) are enjoying it!

Taking time off next week to visit with friend N.  He flies in on Monday and here from a few days.  I have to work some, but taking most of the week off.  I'm looking forward to some relaxing time.

There is so much (so much) in my life that has changed in the last few months, let alone the last five years.  When I step back, I can hardly fathom it.  Perhaps now, I'm expecting too much too soon.  All in good time, my pretty.  All in good time.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  Trust.


Sunday, February 07, 2010

Snow going

I am SO ready for Spring, and no more snow.  We don't usually get 10-15 inches at once, and it doesn't usually stay around so long.  But this year . . . . .

February and March are typically our big times for snow.  I know I'm getting old 'cause I don't want to go play in it anymore. 

Well, maybe if I had someone to play with  . . . .  (mope, whine, complain).

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Out. Where?

Well, so I'm out.  All these folk I work with and for.  The silence is a little eerie.  I'm feeling a cold shoulder here and there, and I know some folk are avoiding me.  Not cruelly, but probably necessarily, for them.

For years, I've been plowing through this stuff.  For them (many of them, anyway) it is very new.  New information about me.  Different to face some one well known to them and realize, "Oh.  He's gay!"  How are they re-playing our history together, re-interpreting things, actions, words.  Are folk putting a different nuance onto everything they've known about me?

Probably.  I hope they'll get over it.  I have no control over it anyway.  So might as well let it be.

My journey to come out - all the way - has been a very spiritual one.  Entering into a place of radical trust.  I want to remember where I've been so I can recall where I'm going.

Ugh.  So serious.  Well, I'm over all the snow we've had (and may yet have).  Where is Spring?  I need some warmer climes (or something . . . .).  At least friend N. is coming from Europe later this month.  That will bring some sunshine. 

Cheers, for now.