I know it's been a while. But I am here, alive, and moderately well.
There are "up" days and "down" days. Ah, Life. To be expected, eh?, when you taper off the anti-depressants? Only Dr. Spo knows all (well most, anyway). Partly from desire, part economics, part forgetfulness (did I take that pill today?), I have ended taking my anti-depressant.
I've been on them for years. Years. The idea that I could stay back from the Edge without them seemed remote a few years ago. It was remote. But that was then.
Emotions seem closer to the surface. I'll cry at the slightest thing. Sometimes I start some of that "stinkin' thinkin'" that says I cannot do it, I am not good enough. But it does not last as long. I pull away from it, I retreat from thinking NO. I move back toward YES.
Anti-depressants are valuable tools (along with a good therapist) for getting us through the darkness, over the hump, or out of the woods (choose your metaphor). For some they may be ongoing necessity. I'd thought so, with me.
Years ago, I consulted informally with a psychiatrist I knew from church. He did not jump to medication. His motto was "If you can't feel it, you can't heal it." Wise.
I'm trying to go that route now, and I'm grateful I've got a good therapist/counselor to be with me through all those feelings!