H1N1

With much busy-ness, I've gotten a little run-down. I got the pig plague. Swine flu.

Yes. H1N1. For real. I shall not die; I'd have to get better to die.

I am feeling vaguely human today. First time in 4 days. I have barely been out of bed. Everything ached. Everything. Every joint. Every muscle. Every bit of tissue, and bone, too. Shear exhaustion.

Go wash your hands. Do it now.

Take me now

Ahhggghhhghgh!

Craziness reigns. Trying to get offspring sprung from the nest. Trying to get through huge stuff at work. trying to keep body and soul together in the midst of it all. I could probably benefit from those anti-depressants i stopped recently.

I'll just have a drink instead!

Here and Now

I had a wonderful visit with blogger Birdie who so graciously wrote about our visit. Meanwhile there has been much busy-ness with getting children off to college, being part of big doings at work, and it's all happening at the same time! Ahhhhh!

Money is running out, time is running short, energy level is declining. I'm just ready for the grave, eh? Hah! We're just getting started. (He said to himself, hopefully, trying to flag his failing spirits).

This will be my first semester not traveling to one public school or another on a daily basis (and usually twice a day, or more). My children will have flown the coop! An empty nest! I've not pondered this much. Hmmm.

Here is a picture of a bear in our yard, again.

With August here, there is lots of fresh food from all over. At work, we've been getting fresh tomatoes, cucumbers (as pictured here - stop that!) as well as squash. We've also gotten fresh stuff for the food pantry at church.

I've been thinking a lot on the concept and reality of Privilege. For us white male, we've got it made in the shade. But being gay adds its challenges to that. But maybe that's why we are so feared (more than lesbians, say).

To see things from a different perspective is something many (straight) white males cannot do (easily, if at all). It is hard to let go of our closely held beliefs and stereotypes and role models and ideas. Of course our way is the best way, can't you see that? Huh?

To quote from the indefatigable Sean: "Everyone keeps telling me to look at the big picture, but they don't understand that I'm looking at an entirely different painting."

Camp Followers?

I noticed that there are a few more folk "following" my blog. How flattering! So, I checked them out. Well, how interesting - a few of them (very few mind you) seem to be "user advised" blogs. You know, with the content warning thing.

SO, if you are one of those "following" along on my (very interesting but generally boring) blog, speak up. I'm wondering if there is hacking/spamming/etc. going on.

Beach

Just back from a few days at the beach with my kids. Their mom spends a few days there, and then we trade off. It's worked well for us the last several years as we make adjustments from life together to life apart. It was fun, hot, humid, with a little rain. And too much air conditioning.

Living in the mountains, I'm used to cooler, less humid conditions. My housemates (my hosts) don't use the AC at all. But since it goes down to about 60 degrees at night (seldom more than 65), things cool way down. It's wonderful.

Here are some pictures.

Feeling and Healing

I know it's been a while. But I am here, alive, and moderately well.

There are "up" days and "down" days. Ah, Life. To be expected, eh?, when you taper off the anti-depressants? Only Dr. Spo knows all (well most, anyway). Partly from desire, part economics, part forgetfulness (did I take that pill today?), I have ended taking my anti-depressant.

I've been on them for years. Years. The idea that I could stay back from the Edge without them seemed remote a few years ago. It was remote. But that was then.

Emotions seem closer to the surface. I'll cry at the slightest thing. Sometimes I start some of that "stinkin' thinkin'" that says I cannot do it, I am not good enough. But it does not last as long. I pull away from it, I retreat from thinking NO. I move back toward YES.

Anti-depressants are valuable tools (along with a good therapist) for getting us through the darkness, over the hump, or out of the woods (choose your metaphor). For some they may be ongoing necessity. I'd thought so, with me.

Years ago, I consulted informally with a psychiatrist I knew from church. He did not jump to medication. His motto was "If you can't feel it, you can't heal it." Wise.

I'm trying to go that route now, and I'm grateful I've got a good therapist/counselor to be with me through all those feelings!