Saturday was National Coming Out Day. I'm a day late. Coming out, into the daylight, all the way, and fearing nothing, has not happened for me yet. But it has begun. To have thought a few years ago I would be where I am today, seemed inconceivable. To have had the courage to make the changes I have made still amazes me. And saddens me, too, sometimes.
Occasionally (though less and less) I wish I could be someone else. I wish I could have been straight. Kept my family together, been the nice, straight husband and dad. But it is not who I am.
A little while ago, in a conversation with a friend about Sarah Palin and her comment on "choosing" to be gay, he said, "I would never choose this." Like me, he had been married. his marriage ended quite a while ago, but he and his partner have been together for over ten years. He added, "Would I have chosen to be gay? No. But am I happier today than I have ever been? Absolutely.
Perhaps I did not choose this, but have been chosen. Left handed, brown eyed, etc., etc., and gay. It is the way i am made. And I am thankful to have figured it out. Sad as I am about not being able to be whom everybody else wants me to be, I am thankful to be who I am.
Plan on the party next year. Slowly, surely.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
I'm coming out!
Today is the tenth anniversary of the death of Matthew
Shepard. Forget not. Pray for him, his murderers, for all who
suffer from hate, for all who perpetrate it.
10 comments:
North of the border, up Ottawa way...
all the best
T@C
According to a group of Canadian scientists, lesbians and gay men are more likely than others to be left-handed. Putting together the results of 20 previous studies that involved more than 23,000 men and women, the scientists concluded that the odds of being left-handed are 39 per cent higher in homosexuals than in heterosexuals.
Broken down by gender, they found that gay men were 34% more likely to be left-handed and lesbians were 91% more likely to be left-handed. "This is one more piece of evidence that sexual orientation is at least partly determined in the womb," said Ray Blanchard, head of the Clinical Sexology Program at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toledo, one of the authors of the study that appeared in the July issue of Psychology Bulletin.
A separate study, reported at the annual meeting of the Royal College of Psychiatrists in Edinburgh, reported that transsexual men and women are also more likely to be lefties.
This is not the first time that scientists noted a connection between being queer and being left-handed. Ten years ago, researchers at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario found that 69% of lesbians and 45% of gay men interviewed were left-handed in "at least one of 12 simple manual tasks."
Sandra Witelson, a co-author of the McMaster study, speculated that the higher incidence of left-handedness may be because "brain organization may be different than in others" resulting from differing hormonal levels while in the mother's womb.
Coincidentally, this study appeared at the same time as another study, this one by the University of British Columbia-- those Canadians seem to be fascinated with the whole subject--that concluded that lefties are more accident prone and have "noticeably, and significantly shorter" life expectancies.
I pray for the day when you believe that your sexuality is a gift, one that has given you great joy in spite of your sorrows. Be at peace with the man God has made you to be.
((HUGS)) to you.
fwiw, I was "assisting minister" this morning: one of the duties is leading the in the prayer of the Church. Your were "named" in my prayer.
Hey, troll--what does it mean if I'm ambidextrous?
i hope you someday are at ease with yourself
You are coming out at the seams it seems.......PA, blogging, loving the world as it is and not as you ordered it to be (it's so much easier not having to be God).
You're a wonder man.....never ever ever forget that
You may not be the "nice Str8husband and dad" you planned to be. However you are becoming the man of God you were born to be. Remember Psalm 139. I am finding it myself, you know for all my struggles these days, I am still the happiestand most at peace with myself I have been. as I have shared with you its a work of God in our life! Thanks be to our God! Your coming is God at work in you. Be the Christ filled gay man your called to be. Also a struggle.
By the way I also am left handed!!! We lefties are in our right mind!
Father Hopkins' poem is balm at times:
My own heart let me more have pity on; let
Me live to my sad self hereafter kind,
Charitable; not live this tormented mind
With this tormented mind tormenting yet.
I cast for comfort I can no more get
By groping round my comfortless, than blind
Eyes in their dark can day or thirst can find
Thirst 's all-in-all in all a world of wet.
Soul, self; come, poor Jackself, I do advise
You, jaded, let be; call off thoughts awhile
Elsewhere; leave comfort root-room; let joy size
At God knows when to God knows what; whose smile
's not wrung, see you; unforeseen times rather - as skies
Betweenpie mountains - lights a lovely mile.
I too still sometimes wish I was straight, with a wife and children. However that thinking comes to me less and less as it will not change anything so I might as well live my gay life the best I can, thus I understand your feelings Joe.
Oh great Troll, so you mean I'm gay and will kick the bucket early as well! ;P
I don't think there are many out there who can say that they have wanted to be gay so that they can be ridiculed by people, not have the same rights as others and be subject to so much pain. But it is a journey and along that journey there come periods of identification and association where we eventually become comfortable with ourselves and begin to love how God made us. May your journey be making that turn! (((((((Joe)))))
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