Exhaustion. Today, I feared I would have to fire someone who works with me. the details are unimportant, but it looked like some financial funny business might be going on. It's just that i didn't have enough information, and things looked different than they really were. So, I guess I looked like a fool. But still I had to do what I did. I am the boss. And sometimes I really hate that. It all turned out OK. All things in order, fine. Just some others had made some decisions of which I was not aware (and should have been). This is not about fault or blame, but I felt a bit foolish.
I do not relish being the boss. Perhaps I shouldn't be? Maybe I should do something else. Wish it were that simple, but it ain't. It just ain't.
9 comments:
Many years ago, in a similar position as you, I faced having to fire a secretary - not for financial impropriety but for incompetence. I found myself going back into the office at night and redoing everything she had done during the day. I hated to fire her (or anyone) but I knew I had to do it. The morning I resolved to do it, she surprised me by resigning, so I dodged that bullet.
I think the most difficult job in any organization is hiring the right person: square peg for the square hole. Any portion of the peg that doesn't fit is cause for conflict down the road. Sometimes that means letting the round peg go, for their sake and the sake of the organization.
Your conflict comes from where your priorities lie: do you place the organization first, or the person? And how is that accomplished? Not at all easy. I don't envy you.
BT:
I have given up being the boss for something infinitely harder for me, working for a family member I famously have "issues" with.
I'll take being the boss any time, though the ability to hang it all up at the end of the day has its charms.
Don't give up the ship.
T@C
I always hate when I am put in a 'boss' type position, I always find it easier to only worry about my own work, I don't like the added stress of some other person's work besides my own.
I'm just grateful that you got simply to appear a fool rather than live with the stinkin' thinkin' that you're an ogre. It's a helluva lot easier on the stomach lining, ya know?
I know this was eating away at you; let's be grateful that this, too, has passed.
I have been the boss! Not easy but I learned a long time ago to give my people the support they need to do the job. Let them know expectations, and let them go do it. If they don't? There are consequenses, always tempered with fairness as fair can be. I have fired staff before, again not easy but had to be done for the good of the organization, the team. I look for team players not playa's. By God's grace you did not have to fire, that was a blessing, perhaps in desguise. In my current role if nursing does not do right, depending on the infraction, I do not hesitate to "write them up" if I feel it is warranted. Most of the time I end up advocating for the nurse as much as the patient. but the patient comes first. In your role hard as it is, your team, your people, and kingdom impact come first. If it had be a real problem the negative impact could have been far reaching for the community if you had not acted. You were seeking to do what was right; glad it was not as it seemed. REST, SLEEP, Self care now Self care.
Being the boss/king has its unpleasant parts
but one should not shrink away from it. We need good bosses/kings.
See me in my office at 3:30, please.
It's one of the things I do not miss in my last job.
Fortunately, I only had to go through that agony once. The guiltiness that came over me after doing it was incredible. But just like you, I did the right thing.
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