Friday, September 12, 2008

Grrr....

A friend made the very kind and generous gift of a massage! Much needed. Much welcomed. maybe even Much deserved! (?)

Being nice to myself is very difficult. Accepting niceness from others, likewise. Nonetheless, I had a great massage yesterday. [Note: very straight massage therapist was very woofy! I kept my eyes closed lest I be distracted.]

But afterwards, I got grumpier, and the day did, too. Maybe it's bad spirits, negative juju, the lingering effects of seven years past. maybe it was just stuff. But maybe it was my body.

I have done some work with mind -- body connection. Some emotions (such as anger) have physical components - perhaps I should say physiological - and remain in our bodies if they are not allowed to emerge. Some work on the body, like a massage, can bring things out, release them, send them forth. And I think that's what happened yesterday.

Today is better, but subdued. Anger, fear, sadness, anger, and anger all came up for me through the day, yesterday. Tears, grunts, shouts, and more tears.

At first I wondered what was "wrong." Too often I go there. It's about something being wrong, something I have done, some mistake I've made, something done or left undone. But then I came to see that on occasion it is, simply, just what is.

I am grateful.

8 comments:

Raven~ said...

Joe,

Yep, sounds like a "healing crisis" to me too. HUZZAH for woofy masseurs.

You've been on my mind so often the past few days. Sorry I didn't just pick up the phone and call.

I've started using that topical chemotherapy cream, and it's a lot more shock to the system than I anticipated. UGH ... kinda threw me for a loop-de-loup. Only a few more days. But I'll tell ya what, at this rate I won't need to wear a mask for Halloween. I can go as G'kar!

Smoke goes up for you, Joe.

Raven~

BentonQuest said...

I understand exactly what you are saying. In my family, the accepted emotion was "happy." So anything that wasn't happy was bad. It has taken me a long time to realize that sometimes feelings just are.

JC said...

warning: flippant comment
Maybe you didn't need a straight massage? :-O
end of flippant comment
-------------------------

Serious comment:
If it weren't for the bad days, you wouldn't appreciate the good days... just grin (or grimace) and persevere (you know the chapter and verse) and realize that this too shall pass

Topper said...

Joe:

Well selfcare especially after a period of self neglect is not easy. Been there done that! I am glad you got a massage, maybe a message too? See what the Spirit reveals to you a day or so out. Massage does bring things out, both physical and emotional, its cathartic. Water is important, so is the water of the Word. sorry if i am preaching! Self care is SOOO important in our work.

Lemuel said...

I'm happy to hear that you did something nice for you and that it "brought out the worst in you" *wink* We all gotta let it out now and then!

A Troll At Sea said...

BT:

As someone who is always keeping things under wraps until they burst out in the worst way at the least opportune moment, I can say that what triggers the release of the "negative energy" is rarely what is really at fault, or at stake.

Being human is really a full-time job. Hang in there, Joe.

T@C

Ur-spo said...

it is always good to remember the grateful bits
Try not to succomb to the nasty Prostestant notion to feel bad because you feel good.

Java said...

Wow. So much here I can relate to. Can't reward myself. Too undeserving. Please don't be too nice to me. It brings out my guilt. WTF?? Where does this crap come from?? And how do I get rid of it???

I've heard that massage can bring out psychological reactions. Interesting. Never been nice enough to myself to get a massage. :)