The group is great. They are good friends and have been very supportive of me in the last few years of ups and downs. It is a closed group; once we join it, no one else can just "drop in." The level of trust is very high, and so I have been able to come out to them. They have been great!
Well, it was my turn to present something at our recent meeting. Now, I'm one who seems to manage things -- I guess. I can't ever seem to think in terms of "theory" and plan with all the techniques in mind. I go with my gut (which is well-enough informed on the stuff) and lead with my soul. But I am always in doubt, sometimes feeling like I don't have a clue what's going on.
I gave my presentation with its attendant questions: "am I doing this right, or over reacting to that, or doing too much, or way off the mark?" And then they just looked at me. Oh no.
The feedback was "gees, I wish I was doing it that well," and "you've got the best intuition for this job, you just do it and get it right!" And, "you're doing a great job, don't let us ruin you with too much theory."
I cried. Really.
They know me well enough and know what I've been going through. But they also know me well enough to know that I want the truth. Don't just tell me things to make me feel better. I won't believe it anyway. Tell me the truth. They reiterated their feedback. I'm doing fine.
Why was all this so significant? Because of coming out, I know that I may have to relocate, move to another "branch." Being in a "sensitive" kind of job, I may not be able to be out and continue working with this same "client base." But I have been doubting if I can even stay in this business. Should I look for something completely different?
Now I feel like I have more options open to me than ever before. And I need all the options I can get.