A Grateful B'day

Today is my 54th birthday.  And I am grateful. 

Fellow blogger Dale sent me a note sharing some of his story.  We're about the same age, but he has been out a long time.  It made me think of all the folk, younger, my age, older, and  gone before, who have helped change the world, making it a bit easier for me.  Slowly, but surely, we are making progress.

It could be easy to be envious of folk out so long.  And, it is easy to look at my life and regret that I didn't do this sooner, or beat myself up for not having figured this out decades ago.  But instead of all that, I will stick with being grateful.

I am so grateful to all you long out-of-the-closet folk because you have paved the way for me.  You've made is easier than it might have been.  You've given direction and advice, shown me the path, and taught me all kinds of new tricks.  (Goodness, me;)~

Tonight, my housemates are having dinner for me and some friends to celebrate my big day.  C has even made me a big chocolate cake.  I'm excited.  I never had parties as a child, so it's not a big "expectation" on my part.  But with my children off to college, I didn't want to be by myself, pretending it didn't matter.

Tomorrow, I'm off for a silent retreat.  Four days with no talking, a little thinking, and a lot of be-ing. Just being.  I'll be outside Atlanta for most of the week, but hope to make it into town on Thursday, and maybe Friday.  Or even a little bit of Saturday.  OMG!  It's Pride weekend in Atlanta!  What ever shall I do?

Thank you.  All.

Big

This week there was a meeting of "managers" for our "region".  I met with the "regional executive" boss man.  It was a very good meeting.  I told him how important it is for me to come out in my place of business, with our "customers."  This isn't about what I want.  This is about living with honesty, integrity, and authenticity.  This is about being faithful.

He was with me all the way.  He's going to check with other "regional executives" about how they've handled such a thing as this, a "local manager" coming out.  Then we will meet again so we can "talk about how we are going to do this."  Yes, he said "we."  He's with me.  This is big news.

I am thrilled but humbled, and a little scared.  But I'll get over all of those things (well, let's hope the humility holds out).  There could be a yawn and "tell something we don't know," kind of reaction.  Or it could be a much less friendly kind of thing.  No way to know.  No way to really control  that.  Time to let go.

Have you experienced a change in folk when, even though they probably assume you are gay, change when you say the word?  Why is it that when we come out, when we name it, when we acknowledge that we're gay, then attitudes change?

What do you think?  What's been your experience?  I'd be interested to know.

How green is my valley

Well, it's not really my valley, but it's the one I live in.

Happenings

Indeed.  A lot has happened the past few weeks.

I am the boss.  I have a staff of three full-time, in office folk; one full-time out of office folk; a couple of part-times.  Me, as the boss?  Who would have thought . . . .

So, I came out to my office staff this week.  Big step.  Was there shock?  Were they surprised that the boss they've worked with, lo, these many years is queer?  Is the pope Polish?  Not any more.

There was, on their faces and in the room, a sense of relief.  No shock, no surprise.  They've know I've been sort of "lost in space" for some time now.  And now they know why.  Already (in just a couple of day's time) the working atmosphere is better, real, open. Honest.

Relief was my main feeling.  Deep relief.  One small step for a man; one giant leap for queerkind.

Honesty.  Integrity.  Authenticity.  The truth is the only thing that sets us free.

I know that I am vague about my work situation, and I will continue to be so.  Let's just say I work for a religious non-profit, and I work weekends.    It is a peculiar kind of job; one might even call it a vocation.  Figure it out, or ask me privately.  My email is on my profile.

There are many in the LGBTQ community who don't like my "parent company" or like folk of my "ilk."  It is difficult calling one's self "Christian" in this day and age because of the hate-mongering, narrow-minded, bigoted, brain dead folk out there who call themselves "Christians."  I am not one of those and do not work for an organization like that.  Thankfully.

That doesn't mean that coming out at work will be "no big deal."  For some of our "customers" it could be a very big deal.  It is the unknown (and the uncontrollable) that causes some anxiety. And, the Spirit moves.  And all shall be well.

And, yes, that's really me at the beach this summer.