Thursday, April 02, 2009

I'm Just an April Fool

Yesterday marked the ninth anniversary of my present position of employment. Oddly, I got a call today about applying for a new position. Same kind of work, different state, etc. Hmmmm.....

Nine Years. That is sufficient time to feel "at home" in a place. And leaving this beautiful part of the world would be difficult. But. . . . .

Moving here from a small town in a more rural area of another state was supposed to be a "good move" for the family. Better schools for the kids, more opportunities, more "openness." It has been all those things. My children (rising 4th and 7th graders at the time) were furious at moving. Not so much coming here, as leaving there -- the only place they'd ever known. (Now, they can hardly remember what that little town was like. They have fallen in love with this little city as so many others have).

But it has also been here that my life (our lives) have taken such dramatic turns. Who would have imagined it?

As I reflect, I first thought this has been one of the most trying periods of my life. But thinking again, I realize that's not the case. Though it has had its trials, tribulations, and sadnesses, it has become one of the best times.

There was outward "happiness" in those older times, but the inward terror and turmoil were death-dealing. I was, inwardly, miserable.

Now, there could be said to be some outward misery, but, oh the relief and the joy.

Why didn't I come out sooner? A question with no real answer. And, it cannot be changed. It happened when it happened, (perhaps) as it was supposed to. This is now. And it's a great now.

Spring. Even the older flowers still bloom.


Steven said...

Perhaps this "great now" will also lead to your own bloomings?

Lemuel said...

What a beautiful post! with such connection to my own soul!

Among many other things, it reminded me of the time, some 20+ years ago now, that I made a drastic career change, leaving a position much, I think, like yours, and moving to a new place for a new job. My sons were then 11 and 6 and had similar reactions as did your daughters.

Robert Hamilton said...

My dear friend, spring is God's reminder that all things become new again, and can be good, and it's due to Grace.

A Troll At Sea said...

Toasted Joe:

My heart says that one should pursue whatever God decides to drop into your lap like that, nine years or no. Here is an opportunity to start over, perhaps even live openly for what you know, perhaps have always known, yourself to be.

On the other hand, my head points out that coming out as an older person can mean winding up neither fish nor fowl: experience makes us what we are, and no matter what we decide to do NOW, we are, for better or worse, shaped by what we have done.

That can be difficult for people on BOTH sides of the street. Well, as one of my opera queen friends says, "@#$$% 'em if they can't take a joke."

Now that's show business for you.

Topper said...

Well perhaps the Lord is leading you to a place of new beginings? That is if this opportunity blooms.

manxxman said...

Never be afraid of what's out there. You have so much to give to so many. Maybe the fact that you are losing your present digs (read here aboad) is a sign that you need to look forward the this possible change.

We look forward to coming tales.

john said...

I agree with Steven, this now will lead to your own blooming.

Ur-spo said...

everybody who 'comes out' sooner or later rues the decision 'why did I not do this earlier?'

Be thankful you did - don't dwell on the what might have beens - and go (gayly) forward.

Anonymous said...

Well I know yhsybi have thought that same thing. But we all have a time to come out when it I'd right or necessary for us.

Maybe this new position would be like some have mentioned . . .a new fresh start with you being out from the first step.

Neil said...

Applying for a new posution? What are your chances of getting it?

cb said...

you know, the past is ...past. Time to make a new present and future. You are out now-- time to have fun.