Unexpectations

When I was very young, I wanted something to fight for, a cause. Growing up in a basically single parent household, I saw the jerk my father was and how oppressive our culture has been to women. Growing up in the South in the midst of the Civil Rights movement, I came to see the unbelievable injustices to African Americans. Schools were integrating in the small city where I lived, and this caused new tensions. There was much I did not understand, but at least I knew there was much I did not understand.

Growing up, I wanted to be a hero, have a cause to fight for, be the underdog who fought the good fight, always on the side of truth and justice. I just wanted to be the good guy. It looked easy in the movies, in books, even scripture. Inspiring, uplifting, etc. And, it looked easy enough on TV – everything got settled within an hour, and there were commercial breaks to go pee.

Hokey, eh? But that was me. Always the pleaser and the caretaker, I wanted to do the “right thing.” Look, I’m no hero, no good guy, no crusader for truth and justice.

So, my “cause celebre” is a fight for my life. Not some one else’s cause I can join in on as I feel like it. Not some distant goal to help others along, but me. And yet I am stuck in a closet that does not let out the sound of screaming. The frustration is draining and killing. But that’s what holding out and holding on are about, aren’t they?
One should be quite careful what one prays for, eh? I think I got what I wanted, just not what I expected. 

Home again

This is not my house. But is was built by my the great great great great grandfather of my children. Thier mom is from the Lowcountry of South Carolina: the Sea Islands. Remember The Big Chill ? Well, it was filmed nearby.

Anyway, on our family vacation, we were able to visit this ca 1790 house that was built by my wife's ancestor. Interestingly, it was rescued from utter dilapidation by Jim Williamson of Savanah (of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil fame). So of course it was restored beautifully and tastefully. It is a very peaceful, elegant site on the edge of St. Helena's Island.

Vacation is over now, and we are home. Good trip. More about that later.

Cheers, one and all. Joe.

The View

We're on vacation at Hilton Head Island. If you can't own a place at the beach, it's nice to have friends who do. Generous friends.

This is the view from our fourth floor condo. Well, our generous friends 4th floor condo.

So far, we've all been having a good time. Only one meltdown, connected with adolescent PMS. Ah, daughters.

Pickney Island Nat'l Wildlife Refuge is a beautiful preserve, close by, with lots of wildlife. I don't know much about birds, but the large congregation of White Ibis was striking. Maritime forests I always find striking: lots of live oak, Spanish moss, myrtle, even some oleander and ever present saw palmetto (hey, this is South Carolina).

Well, I'm off to fixing supper. Cheers, Joe. 

Vacation

This week, my family and I go on vacation. It should be fun, but un-structured time is always difficult for me. I'm not much good at structuring my own time. You'd think, with a hundred things I think I want to do, I could get something done. But my wandering, distractable brain just bounces around, making it difficult to stay on task.

And, of course, this will mean some endless "family time." While I love my family (my wife and kids) it is a LOT of family time.

We'll be going to the beach (Hilton Head) which has all those interesting distractions a man such as myself (a gay man) finds, well, very distracting. Or should I say, attracting, or attractive, or hot, or . . . well, you get it.

Remaining "faithful" is a tough thing, right now. Though I've been doing well with that, it is still hard (take what puns you like from that statement).

I don't know if I will have any opportunity to post anything. Not sure what (if any) internet connectivity we'll have. We are staying in a condo lent by a friend (which makes it possible for us to go to the beach at all). I'll try and post some pictures of our beach adventure at some point.

Cheers to all. Joe.

[The picture is hardly SC! It's Wales, the Pembrokeshire Coast, near St. David's.]