My Ice Cream is Melting

OK, this is on a lighter note. Check this out. Stunning.

http://www.wesseloconnor.com/exhibits/BlakeLittle/index.php

Here & There

The proverbial one-armed paper hanger has been the essence of my job description this week. Work to the left of me, more work to the right. Long days. Tiredness.

Not only have I not posted, I haven't even had time to read and respond to the blogs of others. So, now there are many past posts to peruse. Seems like time is running out, but running out of what? Fear sneaks in sometimes as I get over-wrought over all there is to do and all that I want to do. No time for it all, it seems.

Today, I had a phone interview for a job. Nerve wracking! I guess I did "OK", but I won't know for a week or so. If I make the next cut, it will be the face to face thing. Then I will come out to them. I'm in a line of work that is quite odd, and job searches take a long time. By that I mean that once in the pipeline (so to speak) for a particular position, it can take months to "play out."

To walk and chew gum at the same time would, for me, be a challenge (but since I don't chew gum, I am saved from that particular embarrassment). Managing several job searches is daunting!

And, the emotional/spiritual/psychic drain is big and exhausting. I am trusting the God has me in the palm of God's hand. I believe Way will open (as saith the Quakers), but "in the mean time" is tough.

I think I'll go buy some ice cream.

Quickie

Quick, a post before my Internet connection goes to bed! I am getting clearer, stronger, more centered. except of course when I'm not.

And now for something completely different . . . . .

My PA has healed and doing quite well. I've managed peeing with little or no problem at all. (With a PA, peeing can be a bit of a challenge only in that the stream may splatter all over the place).

Well, today, at work, I went to the urinal, leaned way over, as usual. Did fine. Or so I thought. Then I realized, the circular barbell had channeled a stream of pee all over the leg of my britches. HA!

Being one who takes things in stride (hmmm. . . . . there's a pun there somewhere), and with nothing much I could do about it, I just had to put up with it. I'm sure glad it was about time to go home!

Well, as Monty Python would say, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

And . . . . . . Just a random photograph of local mountains.

Alive

Yes, I am alive and actually doing OK. Busy, busy week. Ups and some real downs. But right now, tonight. I'm well. And, I'm good, too!

Hahahaha. More tomorrow. or not

Kiss

I love to kiss. And this video kiss intrigues me. If I can figure out how to do the loop-playing thing, I might add it to the side.




Today, I turned my body in a disadvantageous way, and coughed. Ugh. I've taken the day to lie in bed with ice, heat, anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxers, and such. Tomorrow, I hope to be able to move.

This, That, and the Other

My Grrr.... continues, with some deep sadness going on, too. I had supper with a newer friend, "C." on Saturday. He is in similar circumstances to me: married, offspring, now separated, even some similar sexual addiction stuff. He is articulate, thoughtful, and grounded but with a deep sense of humility and openness to the wonder of all that is happening to him. I appreciate his friendship, good humor, and sensibleness. I could use some sensibleness.

Helping another friend move has exhausted me physically and even emotionally. It is a relationship for which I am grateful but one that drains me. I'm not sure if it's his neediness or things within myself that he sets off.

Either my computer or my neighbourhood link are messing up. Phooey. I have been "piggy-backing" on some body's unsecured wireless network. It has always gone off between 10 and 10.30 in the evening (except when it hasn't). And, it seems to be on by 7 in the morning, or before. Not being very functional in the morning, I don't attempt to type (or much else) at that early hour.

Lately, I haven't been able to pick it up at the usual times. Some times it's there. Sometimes it ain't. Very frustrating.

Blessedly, I can go to my favorite grocery store-cafe, sit comfortable, drink coffee, and blog, read, and write to my hearts content. They close at 10 (9 on Sundays) so I'm not up too late.

And, the scenery at my favorite grovery store-cafe is often quite picturesque, occasionally hot, and even devastatingly handsome on rare occasions. Handsome James is working tonight which is helping the decor. We go for what we can, ya know.

Grrr....

A friend made the very kind and generous gift of a massage! Much needed. Much welcomed. maybe even Much deserved! (?)

Being nice to myself is very difficult. Accepting niceness from others, likewise. Nonetheless, I had a great massage yesterday. [Note: very straight massage therapist was very woofy! I kept my eyes closed lest I be distracted.]

But afterwards, I got grumpier, and the day did, too. Maybe it's bad spirits, negative juju, the lingering effects of seven years past. maybe it was just stuff. But maybe it was my body.

I have done some work with mind -- body connection. Some emotions (such as anger) have physical components - perhaps I should say physiological - and remain in our bodies if they are not allowed to emerge. Some work on the body, like a massage, can bring things out, release them, send them forth. And I think that's what happened yesterday.

Today is better, but subdued. Anger, fear, sadness, anger, and anger all came up for me through the day, yesterday. Tears, grunts, shouts, and more tears.

At first I wondered what was "wrong." Too often I go there. It's about something being wrong, something I have done, some mistake I've made, something done or left undone. But then I came to see that on occasion it is, simply, just what is.

I am grateful.

The Closet

Surfing around, I came across this video at Pip's blog. I wept. Loudly.

Me, myself, I

I'm having one of those sinking feelings, getting overwhelmed with stuff and life and everything. It may be in large part due to illness: I've had a chronic sinus infection for several months. Now I'm on my third antibiotic which should quell the bug (or kill me otherwise).

Like most folk, I get depressed when I'm ill, and I haven't felt like myself in several months. Wait. Do I know what "myself" feels like? Hmmm.... I'll have to think on that some more.

Ordinary Day

Note: I've taken out the picture of me buzzing my head. Too recognizable, I guess.
Though I want very much to reveal all of who and what and how I am, it's just
too risky. Sometimes I push the envelope, and I don't want to get squashed
in the process. My livelihood and the lives of others may be too adversely
affected right now. One day. One day

Saturday was chores day. Twice a month or so (if I remember) I give myself a haircut. No. 2 buz, all over; #1 in the front (sometimes). I always do things the same way, except when I don't.

This is me on my back deck, using the sliding glass door as a mirror. This is not detail work, friends. It works. I figure I save at least $10 by doing this myself. Would I look better with a little longer hair, nicely styled? Probably, but I'm too frugal; besides, I don't have to look at me.


There are always some trimmings left over, swept back into nature.

There is also laundry to do! Ugh. It's not the washing and drying I mind; it's the folding and putting away.



Here is my ugly-fabulous avocado green washer! Only $5o at the Habitat for Humanity store! The plain jane white dryer is on the left. [Yes, I know the laundry nook configuration is weird. It's a long sotry].

That's why I am so glad I have the beds set up in the guest room! New palces to put the laundry in my long-standing experiment to see if it will fold itself! Hasn't worked yet, but why give up now.



As you can see, I have plenty of room. Come visit.